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A whole ‘lotta nothin’ goin’ on!

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Seriously, my life is booooooooooring. At least it is right now. We have not been up to much lately. Saturday night I went to the races with my mom. That was kinda fun. The older two boys stayed with Jake and my grandma kept Owen. I pumped before we left b/c I didn’t want to pump in the nasty bathrooms while we were there. PLUS, who wants to lug around that big pump? Even if it does come in a discreet carry bag? We sat behind this family and the dad had FOUR girls and his g/f was pg too. He was there with a guy who appeared to be his brother b/c that guys kids kept calling him “uncle.” They were half of our entertainment. ;o) At one point, his YOUNG (younger than Aidan) nephew was blowing raspberries at him and he looked at him and laughingly said “I’m gonna f***ing kick your a**!” and then laughed really hard. OMG!! :O Some people are crazy, seriously. Who talks to a little kid like that??? Joking or not.
At one point I got up to go to the concessions to get a snack and I walked by where they were selling beer. I didn’t want a beer (why drink piss?) but I noticed they had Smirnoff. YUM. So I got one of those but it came in a beer cup b/c they wouldn’t let you have the glass bottle. I went back to our seats in the stands and before I could even take a good sip a COP was kicking me out of there!!! Apparently we were sitting in the family section where alcohol was not allowed! AH HA HA!! Such a rebel I am. ;o)
Sunday we went to church, well, Jake and I and Owen went to church. We left Dylan and Aidan at my grandma’s. Everyone was over there all weekend helping my grandma redo her patio. Aidan has Fifth’s right now and even though he’s not contagious I know that they wouldn’t like keeping him in class b/c the rash is so bad. It looks awful. After church we went to granny’s and hung out a few and then went and got lunch and brought it home. Then we all napped and dinked around here. The boys went to mom’s last night b/c I was really wanting to clean uninterrupted and I felt motivated to do it last night…… for some reason I just wanted them to go last night instead of tonight. So after they went there I finished reading my book and then we picked up and got the house pretty well straightened up. Not perfect, but pretty decent.
It was a good thing the boys were gone last night b/c Owen didn’t sleep at all! Okay, he did, but not really. He slept in 30-45 minute increments all night long. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!!!That was miserable for me! B/c of that I laid in bed with him until 11am!! Then I had to get ready to take him to the dr at 3(I thought he had thrush….he doesn’t, but I do. ???) and it took me forever to get ready b/c he just cried and cried and criiiiiiied all morning/afternoon. I don’t know what is up with him but he has been SO FUSSY.
To make matters worse, on top of the “thrush” that I thought he had and that I think I do have, he has CRACKED me on both sides. OOOOOOOOOOOUCH!!! Seriously, I can deal with mastitis, but the cracks make me want to stop nursing. Seriously. This morning I was crying b/c it hurt so bad and all I could think of was that I wanted to stop nursing and that just broke my heart. 😦 I called my LC and left her message about it and told her I’d be there at 3 for an appt anyway and to come find me if she could. (she works at the ped’s office)
So we get to his appt and I took a bottle of expressed milk for him and I was giving it to him in the room while we waited for the dr to come in. The nurse saw me giving him a bottle and I told her I din’t want to attempt nursing him in public while it was so painful. Crying in front of total strangers didn’t sound like something I wanted to do today WHILE exposing my boob to nurse. ;o)
So, she went and told the LC that I was giving him a bottle and she came back and said “Nancy said she’d rather you use this (handing me a nipple shield) instead of giving him a bottle” and I started cracking up! I said “I KNEW she would!!!” heehee. I told her I was going to go straight to Target today anyway to buy some so that was good. Then, about five minutes later Nancy comes running in and says “GIVE ME THAT BOTTLE!” ah ha ha!! She took the bottle from me and said “now lift up your shirt!” heehee She got the shield on me right b/c I had no idea how to use it and I didn’t want to try until I got home. She got in on and I started nursing and OMGOOOOOOOSH it felt so much better. It didn’t hurt at all. I was so grateful! I absolutely looooooooove her. She is a boob saver. πŸ™‚ hehe I am on strict orders the rest of the week though to get the cracks healed up and the suspected thrush cleared up before he gets it. This should be fun…..a few more things to add to my list of “to-do’s.”
Tonight I ordered all of the stuff for Kacie’s baby shower on the first. I am excited. It is going to be sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. I can’t tell the details here in case she reads it, but I am excited. I hope she likes it. I am putting a lot of thought into the details and I hope it turns out good. πŸ™‚

Also, STILL no orders. 😦 How much longer before I really go crazy waiting???

Today was a so-so day. I talked to Lanita earlier while I was driving to the dr’s and I just started bawling. I don’t know why, but today was teary day. Saturday and Sunday were pretty okay, but today was an off day. I think that sometimes I feel like I just want something that resembles my life back. Not my life before kids, but life with kids….. like right before I got pg with Owen everything was pretty perfect….as much as it could be. I want it back to that, and I don’t want it to take a year this time. I just want to feel like ME again. ME with a grip on things. And I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, but yeah, that is easier said than done….and it’s something I am trying to work on. ………..


Baby Blues????

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Current mood: melancholy
I’ve not really blogged about anything much lately, besides the walmart weirdo.
I haven’t felt like doing any blogging, or anything that involves talking about what is going on around here. Not much. It’s the same ‘ol same ‘ol…..or as my sister-in-law hilariously put it in her blog “repeat, repeat again, repeat until I die” which made me laugh hysterically, b/c that is exactly how I’ve felt. UGH. Booooooooriiiiiiing.
Mostly the days consist of nursing every two hours AROUND the clock, changing a million and one diapers, making at least 10 meals a day (3/breakfast, 3/lunch, 4/dinner) and meanwhile trying to keep on top of Dylan and Aidan, the house, making sure naps are taken (at the same time preferrably), oh yeah….and getting a shower in there somewhere!
I have felt sad and “down” lately too which doesn’t help matters much. I don’t know if it’s the classic case of “baby blues” or WHAT, but I haven’t felt right. I was talking to Jake about it the other day and I told him I can FEEL it coming on, just like I did when I was PG with Owen…. I KNOW something is off but I don’t know what to do about it. I’m definately not in the same place I was when I was PG with Owen….. this time I don’t hate my kids and husband. This time I am just sad and tired. Tears always feel at the forefront all day and I don’t know why. I hate that I know something is off….it’s like I’m waiting. Waiting for it to either get worse or better. I don’t want to jump the gun and call my dr about it b/c I am hoping it’s just the baby blues and will pass. It passed when I was PG. I told Jake I would rather be oblivious to anything feeling wrong, b/c then I wouldn’t be anticipating anything….. now I’m actually not sure which is worse.
I haven’t really been doing my normal things either and I know that doesn’t help. I’m barely sleeping, I’m not talking to my friends like I did before. Toni and I used to talk everyday and Lanita and I were talking several times a week for a few hours at a time and that was just part of my daily/weekly activities that I relied on. Now I don’t feel like talking to anyone most days. I feel stuck. That makes me nervous. I need to snap out of this.
I feel like I miss people too. I got an email from my friend Missy and I wanted to cry reading it. It’s funny, I miss my close friends that I haven’t see in years, but I also don’t feel like doing anything with anyone, besides family. With my family I don’t have to be “up” like normal.
I think I am just tired and stressed out with everything….all the changes, all the impending changes (btw, STILL no word on moving yet), and how I feel overhwhelmed by it all. At counseling last week with Jake, our counselor told me that my biggest problem is struggling with perfection. I freak out and beat myself up b/c things aren’t perfect. I also freak out and beat OTHERS up (Jake/boys) when they don’t do something perfectly. WONDERFUL. Tell me something I don’t know…. I know. I knew that already, but I needed someone to tell me flat out. HA…reading back through that part makes it sound like I keep everything perfect….and I DON’T at all. That is why I am so overwhelmed and stressed out b/c I am not happy until it is.
Okay I have gotten off topic (what was my topic???) and I just went head first into an annoying rant. Sorry readers.
So there is my blog for now. Who knows when I will get a chance to post another one???

3 chocolate chip cookies, neverending laundry, and yet ANOTHER trip to the ER.

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Goooood Grief! How many times can our family go the the ER in a three week time period? Apparently three times.

Jake had to drive himself to the ER tonight due to complications from his vasectomy. This is the second time this has happened since he had the procedure done in May. I offered to drive him but that would mean finding someone to watch the boys and taking Owen with us and sitting there for hours, so he just opted to drive himself. My mom offered to drive him (awkward! heehee) but of course he declined. So, that meant I was on my own tonight with two CRANKY toddlers who didn’t nap today, and Owen who I now have on a new feeding routine after our appt with the LC today. Jake left around 5ish and I got dinner started for the boys. I had wanted to see if Mom wanted to go out or order in but I couldn’t get ahold of her, so I just did a quick “gourmet” meal for the boys…. mac-n-cheese, chicken nuggets, and corn. Oh wow. I think I ate a few nuggets and a couple bites of mac-n-cheese. I have however eaten three chocolate chip cookies left over from the stash Kim included with our dinner last night. πŸ™‚ Oh yeah, that is going to help me lose this baby weight. I didn’t eat them all at once either…I grazed them. I noticed I grabbed one when things got chaotic…. hmmmmm…. coincidence?
The boys were in FINE FORM tonight too. After dinner I got them in the bath and washed and then did jams and WAS going to let them watch Dumbo to wind down, but while I was changing Owen’s diaper in his room I heard loud SMACKS followed by Aidan screaming after each one. I snuck down the hallway to watch what was happening and Dylan was beating Aidan over the head with his hand. Granted Aidan was hitting Dylan in the arm, but nothing like what Dylan was doing to him. Good grief. Those two are going to kill each other one day. LOL I turned off their movie and said they had to go straight to bed. It took about an HOUR for them to stop fighting bed…. they want SOMETHING….water, a book, a hug, a nightlight….anything to keep them from having to go to sleep. Usually I ignore it and threaten them with a spank (which I kick myself for later when I have to follow through with it!), but when I went in there to check on them Aidan was SOAKING wet from head to toe, his pillow was wet, and his sheets were wet. He had DUMPED his sippy of water all over his bed. OMG!!!!! I was furious. They always get water in the beds at night b/c they get thirsty through the night, but tonight he totally did that out of retaliation. So, I had to strip his bed AGAIN (I had to do it last night b/c they needed washing) and make it, change his clothes, find a cup with a valve so it wouldn’t leak and he couldn’t open it, and then get them settled down again. I hate hard bed time nights. Finally, after all that, they calmed down and I haven’t heard a peep since.

So now I have ANOTHER bed set to add to my three baskets of clothes, one pile of comforters, and our sheets to wash. Laundry never ends! I hate laundry. It is the ONE chore I loath. I would rather scrub floors than do laundry any day.


Owen’s appt with Nancy (lactation consultant) went well today. He is definately an efficient eater.
She weighed him first with nothing on, then with a dry diaper on. Then I fed him for a while on one side until he POOPED out his diaper and I had to get up to change him. Before I changed him she weighed him with the poopy diaper and he had taken in 2 ounces in that short time…not even five minutes. Then I laid him on the table to change him and he spit up ALL OVER the place. After I had changed him and gotten another clean diaper on him we weighed him again and he was back at the weight he was before I fed him. He pooped and spit up a total of 2 ounces which is exactly what he had taken in with that brief feeding. So I continued to nurse him on that same side for a while and he pooped AGAIN!! We weighed him again and he had taken another ounce. So, I changed him, and went back to nursing. All in all, by the end of the appt and the poops and spit ups, he had taken in a total of about 4-5 ounces from ONE SIDE in a combined time of about 10 minutes. He is one great nurser for being only 21 days old!
I had told her what I was concered about and she figures that he was spitting up so much b/c my let down reflex is SO FAST and so strong that is basically chokes him out and he has to spit it all up, and then he is discouraged so he doesn’t nurse anymore on that side. Then I would switch him to the other side and the same thing would happen. All the while he was also getting more fore milk than hind milk too, and that doesn’t help with the spitting up. So, our new plan is to only nurse him one side at a time so he only has to contend with one let down reflex, and then he will get more hind milk that way. I told her that when I have a let down it’s mostly the thick white milk, which is GOOD. She said I have “butter milk” and she should just call me “Jersey” from now on. Moooooo!! heehee
Oh yeah, another good thing from his appt today. She checked his weight from last week and he has gained OVER a pound in one week! That is AWESOME! She said he is gaining DOUBLE what they want babies to gain a day. I am SO relieved to hear that b/c I was worried about his milk intake, but obviously he is doing fine! Now I can’t wait to see how his weight will do with this new nursing plan…. getting more fatty milk this way. He will PLUMP up quick! heehee

When did the days get shorter???

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Hmmm, so I have been LAAAAAAAAME lately and haven’t been able to find the time to blog. It seems like once we get the boys in bed I have to feed Owen shortly after that and then I have to get him settled into bed and by then I just want to SIT and not worry about a kid for a while, and then before I know it, it’s midnight and I am tired and wanting to go to bed, but it’s time to feed Owen again by then.

I feel so overwhelmed lately. I feel like my “duties” around here have multiplied and I have NO time to do them all. On top of that Jake and I are doing some counseling “maintenance” so some issues have come up there that I am trying to work on for the benefit of our marriage and I feel stressed out b/c I can’t possibly keep up. I fail somewhere. I feel like there just isn’t enough time in the day to do everything required of me. It’s times like these when I sort of “check out” and don’t do anything, but I’ve learned that that just makes me feel worse. Soooo, I have been trying to maintain some sort of order around here, but I have yet to get a schedule going for the fam. While I have been able to KIND OF keep up, I haven’t been able to work on other things that need attention. I just feel like I am falling behind.

I know that once we get more settled with Owen and once he starts sleeping more I will feel more like myself again. I mean, I feel fine now, I just have NO energy and NO drive. To top it off, Owen has decided to start FUSSING constantly. This after I raved about how good he was and how he never cried for no reason. I should have just kept my mouth shut. Or knocked on wood, or something. LOL

We should be finding out where we are going sometime in the next two weeks. Jake says he should have his orders by then. I feel like a lot hinges on that for us. Not sure why, but I do. I just want to move forward and be able to PLAN and I can’t until I know where and when we are moving. Right now it’s probably the biggest thing we talk about…. moving, what we will take, what we will sell, when we will clean out the garage and have a yard sale, whether we want mom to go with us to help or not, what time of year we will move (b/c we MAY have some say in that due to a few details…), leaving the trailer until next summer, all that kind of stuff. It’s nice to plan but stressfull when you can’t OFFICIALLY plan anything……. it’ll be nice to know, no matter where it is.

Dylan has been getting more and more difficult. I blame myself for it b/c at one point a while ago I went through this thing with him where I wanted him to learn to tell us how he felt instead of acting out…and now it’s backfired in a BAD way. “I mad at YOU!!!” “I don’t want you to talk to me!” “I just have a bad day, I don’t want to!” When we tell him “no” or that he can’t do something he says “Yes, I just want to do that!” I swear I have created a monster. Now I am trying to do damage control and break him of all of that. He is getting mouthy.

Aidan keeps putting food up his nose too!! What is WITH this kid?! Tonight Kim brought us a yummy chicken fajita dish for dinner and I cut up the chicken for the boys and Aidan shoved chicken up his nose! I saw him start to and I said “AIDAN NO!” and he he crammed it up there as fast as he could. I thought “no freaking way are we taking him to the ER again for food up his nose” so I went and got the tweezers. I put him in a headlock and tried to grab the chicken. Well whatever I did tickled his nose and he coughed/sneezed at the same time and it FLEW out of his nose thank goodness. I don’t know what I am going to do about him and the food up his nose. ?????

Tomorrow I am taking Owen to my lactation consultant so she can see how much he is getting at a time. She weighs him before he eats and then weighs him after and can see how much he got. He just isn’t eating in a way that I am comfortable with. He will eat for like 5 minutes and then fall asleep or spit it (me) out and not eat anymore. Sometimes he’ll eat a bit more on the other side, but not really. He keeps falling asleep and if he doesn’t fall asleep he just spits it out and decides to not eat anymore. I don’t get it. He can’t POSSIBLY be that good of an eater at 3 weeks. I just want peace of mind that he is getting enough to eat. I mean, he is obviously gaining weight, he’s grown out of an outfit already and he pees and poops normally, but I just can’t imagine that he is getting enough in five minutes. So, I hope that tomorrow I will feel better about he is eating.

Not much else going on so far this week…. I think we want to try to clean out the garage this weekend. I need to talk to mom and see if she would be willing to take the boys on Saturday for a bit so we can get the bulk of it done then without having to worry about them as distractions. That way we can get it done in one day. I love cleaning out the garage actually. I hate a messy garage and right now ours is AWFUL. You can barely walk around in it.

OHHHH, something funny I can’t believe I forgot. Now it is too late to give the horrific details but basically I FELL on my hands and knees in church on Sunday while everyone was sitting down. I was walking down the isle to our seat up front and I had Owen in the baby sling and when I got to the very front I FELL and let out this LOUD yelp. I don’t know how I fell or why but I did, and oh my word was it embarrassing. It was embarrassing and funny. I can’t believe I ate it in front of the entire church WHILE Tom was up talking and introducing someone. Why couldn’t I have fallen when everyone was standing up singing??? Good grief…. really it is quite commical, but at the same time, still embarrassing. Anyway, that was the most excitement this week.

We’re boring. LOL