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God Laughs

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My sister in law has this saying, “make plans and hear God laugh” and she is soooo right.

Kim emailed everyone from our link group asking for volunteers to host this weekend. I volunteered.

My sister in law is coming this tuesday to help me with stuff for moving. She is an organizational freak and I am lucky she is so willing to help me, considering she lives in Portland.

This morning, the boys woke up with green goo. GREEN GOO. Their noses look like they had green play doh shoved up there. Totally gross. Oh, and Owen is coughing a bit. Oh, AND he threw up last night. Projectile vomit across the couch. For about an hour or so afterwards I was in a complete panic waiting for “the other shoe to drop.” It never did, thank God. Owen remained bubbly and happy and NOT passed out. πŸ˜‰

God is laughing at my plans I think. I had to cancel on link group 😦 and I emailed my sister in law telling her about the boys. If they are sick she can’t come b/c she has a 3yo and my brother in law is self employed so he REALLY can’t get sick.

I am really really hoping and praying they are not sick come Monday night/Tuesday morning.

I’m frustrated today.

I had a dream about moving last night. We moved into the most narrow house ever. It was a nice house, but it was narrow. Weird. Oh, and we made the drive in two days. That was sweet.

God, please don’t laugh at our plans to move. πŸ˜‰

Oh and something really great: Owen is crawling. The kid is on the move!! It’s amazing how fast they pick this stuff up. He is better today than he was yesterday. Every day he gets better and better. I love it.

I love my kids. I love watching them be creative. For Valentines I got them play doh sets. A play doh duffel bag of play doh stuff with cutters, and a pasta maker, and a roller. They each got one. And they each got a play doh tub. One tub is for picnic stuff and the other is for animals. They have played with those for HOURS. They love it. Especially Dylan. πŸ˜€ I thought I would not like them having play doh but they seem to be doing pretty well with it.

Today we are going to go through more stuff to take to the dump. I wish I could snap my fingers and have this done. I am seriosly contemplating moving into our trailer NOW and just coming to the house to do stuff for the move. That way what I get done stays done. I don’t know. That seems extreme. But it also would simplify things for me. If my sister in law (she does have a name btw, it’s Teresa haha) comes I think we’ll do that after she leaves actually. That is what we were going to do after the movers take all of our stuff anyway.

Okay, off to do something productive. I promised Sean I’d blog about the sweet potato allergy thing, so I will for sure be back this weekend with that. πŸ˜‰ Check Sean out. He has a baby on the way. πŸ˜€

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My Favorite Things

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Beaming boy smiles and little baby kisses
Long brown eyelashes and magical wishes
Pulling around all their cars with a string
These are a few of my favorite things

Warm cups of hot chocolate and marshmallow minis
Special treats and good eats and magical pennies
Watching them run and gleefully sing
These are a few of my favorite things

Boys in blue jeans with dirt on their knees
Hearing “I love you” and “thanks” and “please”
Kissing their boo boos after a ding
These are a few of my favorite things

When my head hurts
When the dinner burns
When I’m feeling mad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad

Alert the media, I’m posting a blog!

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So I think I’ve given up on the whole blog thing lately. Seriously I am just TOO busy and I tend to get sucked in when I am online so I try not to get on too much anymore. When I can manage to get on it’s so late and I can’t think straight enough to blog. Plus I think “what would I write about? Pooping, peeing, nursing, spit up, cleaning, errands…..” the list goes on and on of boring day to day stuff. There has been some cute exciting stuff though.
Owen rolled over on his FOUR MONTH bday. That was exciting. He instantly flips over to his belly when we lay him on his back. He is so cute too the way he just looks up and around at everything. We went to Jake’s Recruiters Annual around the middle of the month. That was actually a LOT of fun. I am so glad I ended up going with him for sure. Up until the night before it was still not for sure that I was going. I am glad it worked out though. We had a nice time together. My sister came back from Utah after only a month there. Not sure what the story really is there but I think she is back to stay. I am glad to see my nieces though so that is good! I was sad about the thought of not really knowing baby Naomi so I am glad to get to see her. Dylan is just over the moon that McKenna is here. They are so close it just breaks my heart to think of how sad he will be when we move. To be honest though, I am glad that now McKenna has a little sister to be buddies with b/c before when they were gone (the last time) she didn’t really have a buddy but now she will, and Dylan has Aidan and soon Owen will be joining in on the fun. That kid is growing like a WEED! He is just SO cute and full of smiles. I don’t think I have had a baby that smiles so much. Aidan hardly ever smiled as a baby and Dylan did smile a lot, but he fussed a lot too. Owen just smiles all the time. He is sleeping better too. My mom weened him off of the paci while we were gone that week and ironically he sleeps a LOT better without it. I am glad. I wouldn’t have been strong enough to ween him off of it. Also I am giving him ONE, just ONE, formula bottle at night. It was very hard the first time I gave it to him b/c I felt AWFUL but he sleeps so much better at night after that bottle and I am desperate for more than two hours of sleep at a time. My mom said that she did that with him when she had him and he slept really good so I thought I’d give it a try. Turns out it’s working. With Dylan I let him have a bottle every so often b/c I didn’t pump much with him so when he was with my mom or someone else they’d just give him formula and it never bothered me. Aidan on the other hand only had ONE formula bottle his entire “nursing” period and that was when he had “hand, foot, mouth disease” and went on a nursing strike. After that one bottle I felt devestated so I pumped. I was a bit nazi about it. I am trying to find a happy medium here. I feel okay about it too, especially since I have every intention of nursing this one as long as possible. I am hoping two years. Aidan went for 15 months so that was nice. πŸ˜€
We got out tree up today. YES we have a fake tree. YOU try having two boys who wrestle and play like crazy and a baby that puts everything in his mouth….. we would have a floor full of needles and a naked tree if we did a real one this year. Our first “fake” year was last year. I was just TIRED of dealing with the needles falling from the boys touching the tree all the time and worrying about the needles getting eaten. I LOVE having a fake tree though. I thought I would not like it so much but I do like it. I look at it like this……. being a military family we will never really have more than a few Christmases in the same house. We can’t go to the SAME tree farm every year, we can’t put decorations in the SAME place every year, we can’t decorate outside the SAME every year. There are few things that can be a constant and if a fake tree is one of those it actually gives me a sense of comfort, if that makes any sense. A friend of mine told me once that it always bugged her that nothing could be “traditionally done” b/c you are always moving so she had certain things she ALWAYS did or put up and her kids loved that some of those things were always the same. So, our tree will always be the same, and I like that now. I said when we bought it I would only do a fake tree while the kids were little and until they are old enough to want a real one I think that is how it is going to be. Right now I like the idea of something staying the same.
Jake put up our outside lights on Thanksgiving. I love being the first house on the street with our lights up. πŸ˜€ He did a good job. The boys LOVE it! Dylan is so funny and has such a good memory too! He said “WHY did Daddy put a wreath on the garage? We did NOT have one on there LAST year!” HA! He is right too…we didn’t! Another sort of funny thing he is saying….when Aidan is jabbering at him Dylan says “Okay Aidan, that’s enough, I have told you a HUNDRED times already!” heehee And today when Aidan was telling Dylan about something Dylan said “Aidan you have told me that a HUNDRED times, you can stop now!” AH HA HA! Gee, I wonder where he heard THAT from?
Aidan is a little copy cat too….. EVERYTHING Dylan says he says. Like just now Dylan was calling for me in his bed and I said “what do you want” and he said “I have to go poop” so I let him up to do that. When I took him back to bed Aidan was standing up in his crib and said “I have to go poops too!” heehee Silly kid. He so badly wants to be JUST like Dylan.
Tonight I think Jake and I are going to drag out the decorations for the inside of the house. We are going to do the tree decorations tomorrow night. Jake is going on 12’s this week until further notice (all of them are) so really this will be our only time to really do a full days worth of stuff for a long time. And I don’t want a bare tree up for over a week before we decorate it and I would love his help doing the house too. So, we will welcome December with a fully decked house, inside and out.

What kid doesn’t want to dress up for Halloween?!

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11:00 PM – What kid doesn’t want to dress up for Halloween?! Current mood: blank
My kid apparently! Dylan has been so difficult this year when it comes to his Halloween costume. At first he wanted to be a pirate. For WEEKS he said he wanted to be a pirate. So, I got him a pirate costume. Didn’t fit. It got stuck on his head and he freaked! I returned it and tried to get him to pick out a different costume and he wanted none of it. He said he wasn’t going to dress up for Halloween this year. I think he was doing it just to irritate me. I found a cool fireman outfit and said “Hey Dil, you could be a fireman!” and he said “but MOM I already have that at home. My rain jacket!” His rain coat looks like a fireman coat so he said he would just wear that. Still trying to get him to get on board with a costume I said “But this one has a cool yellow fireman hat!” and he said “but MOM I have one of THOSE too! I’ll just wear that.” True, he does have a yellow contsruction “hard hat.” I guess he’s an economical three year old. My mom, trying to change his mind about a costume too, said “Dylan, Carson is going to be an elephant, are you sure you don’t want to dress up in costume?” and then he said “YEAH! I want to be an ELEPHANT!” I just shot my mom this look like “thanks a lot” and she started laughing and took off down the isle. That would all be great except that they didn’t HAVE any elephants. We walked through walmart with him crying for an elephant. Later that day my mom remembered she had an elephant costume Weston had worn last year so she brought it over, but by that time he didn’t want to be an elephant anymore either! This kid is KILLING ME!
Anyway, that was a few weeks ago. I have held onto the elephant costume with high hopes that he would change his mind. Nope. Now he wants to be a frog. Well now it is too late to find a good costume anywhere, especially a frog. I tell him he can’t be a frog b/c he waited too late to pick something (he only picked this like a week ago) so now he is back to “I don’t want to be ANYFING FOR HALLOWEEN!” Greeeeeeeeeeeat.
So tonight I say “are you SURE you don’t want try on the elephant costume?” and he says “no I will just be Thomas.” He was Thomas the Train last year and we still have the costume so I guess he has decided he will be a repeat this year. Good grief. Who knows what he will actually be when it comes right down to it. We still have about 20 hours to go until he has to be in an actual costume.
Aidan on the other hand is going to be the cutest clown you have ever seen! I had bought him a giraffe costume last year when they went on sale after Halloween but it doesn’t fit him like I hoped it would. Plus he was very scared of the giraffes head being above his head. He kept looking up at the nose and going cross eyed!
Owen will be…..nothing. Alert the bad mom media…. I’m not dressing up my baby. I had some baby Halloween outfits but I gave them to Teresa when Kambrie was a baby b/c I thought we were done having kids. I had actually forgotten about them until just the other day. Oh well, he would just spit up all over it anyway.

Back in the (blog) saddle again!

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12:25 AM – How does this blog thing work again? It’s been so long…. Current mood: tired
I feel like a newbie blogger all over again. Where do I begin? What do I say? Will anyone even READ this word vomit?

The funny thing about blogging is that you tend to think in “blog” even when you aren’t currently blogging. It has been driving me NUTS to be blogging in my mind and have no time or access to spit it all out. Now that I am here I am blank. BLANK I tell you blank! How is this possible??? I’ll just be sproradic in my thoughts tonight I guess…. although, how is this any different than a normal day? I KNOW you were totally thinking that.

Some things have been going through my mind….

The California fires….oh.my.word. Can I just say that I sat there watching and thinking about all of those people and all of that stuff that they lost, irreplaceable stuff, and I was just so overwhelmed. All I could think about was my kids. What would I do if I was all alone and something like that happened? How would I get my kids out? What would I do? I have too many kids… KIDDING! I just don’t have enough arms. I need one more. That would be sweet. Or creepy. Anyway, watching all of that footage just made me feel so grateful for everything we have. When we got married we literally had NOTHING. Not even a bed. Jake had to go buy our first bed before I moved to Missouri. Note to self, never let Jake buy a bed w/o me there. I swear he bought a piece of concrete slab. I hated that bed. I love my bed now though. California King baby! Oh yeah. It’s funny the things you think about when you are watching someone else’s tradgedy. I just sat and looked around my house, looked at my kids while they were sleeping, looked at Jake picking his nose (KIDDING!) and just was overwhelmed with how blessed we have been and how lucky we are to even be where we are today. Not that things are perfect, oh my word no. In fact, I am sure I could find MORE to complain about than to be happy about, but seeing all of those burned down houses really put things in perpsective for me. I have been lacking perspective lately.

Having Three Boys…. what did I get myself into? AH HA HA! SERIOUSLY! I watch Dylan and Aidan wrestling and I just cringe at the anticipation I feel waiting to hear a bone snap or a see an eye roll across the floor! I was talking to my mom on the phone the other day while watching them attempt to kill each other and I said “Oh my gosh mom all they do is wrestle and beat the crap out of each other! It makes me nervous!” and she said “Brandy! You have BOYS! You’d better get used to it!” I said “I know, but it makes me so nervous!” What’s new? Something makes me nervous. Alert the media. I just think about Owen in another year and a half or so and wonder if he’ll survive the other two! Poor little fella! But really truly, I look at my three boys lately and I am just overwhelmed with how much I love them. I told Jake that I look at them and just want to cry b/c I want to hold them forever and never let them go ever. They grow so fast.

My meds….. okay so remember that blog “Oh blah dee oh blah daa life goes on…” and how I was talking about being depressed and all that jazz? Well I did call my doctor and I did get in with a therapist and I did get on meds. It was the toughest decision I think I have ever made. Seriously. I was very torn over it. I cried a lot of tears deciding if I should do this. I even sat in my OB’s office and cried to her. I cried to my pediatrician. I cried to my lactation consultant. Seriously, I cried a lot. I finally decided that I was tired of being tired and tired of being SAD all the time. Let’s just say it does get darkest before the dawn and in hindsight I see that a lot of things really did happen for a reason. Two of those things being the fact that we are not moving right now. I NEVER would have broke down and called my doctor had we gotten our orders. I just wouldn’t have. I was putting all my hope in moving, and that was wrong. Another thing was my computer. I think that if I had had access to my computer during all of this I wouldn’t have given myself the chance I needed to realign my life and priorities. I was spending way too much time online. It was my numbing drug I think. Honestly, it let me get lost when I couldn’t cope with anything else. Now that I have been on them for a while and they have kicked in, I can COMPLETELY tell the difference. I am happier. I am not a snapping at everyone around me. I can cope with a less than perfect house. Not that it doesn’t bother me still, but I can handle it a lot better. I don’t cringe when I hear my kids being kids. I don’t dread the next day. I don’t want to cry just because I woke up and am dreading the day. Now I wake up and think, “where do I start? what do I need to do?” and it doesn’t overwhelm me most days like it did before. I feel normal again. As normal as I can be. har har! heehee I still have a long way to go, and I’m continuing therapy for that, and charting my moods and days, but I am thinking more clearly and the fog is lifting. I am so grateful for that right now.

My mom and Bob…. they are getting a divorce and really I am surprised at how this is affecting me. I really am sad about this. I hadn’t been letting myself think about it before b/c really I don’t think I could emotionally handle it before, but now, I’ve been thinking about it and I don’t like it. It makes me sad. Already I find myself not liking whoever my mom would choose to date after the divorce. How “ten years old” is that?! I am sad to think about the house that I basically grew up in not being there anymore for me to call “home.” Even though Bob and I aren’t “tight” I did find comfort in seeing him around the house and just knowing that he was there. I didn’t always agree with him or even completely enjoy him all the time, in fact we disagreed a lot, but I still just always felt like he would always be around. It never really occured to me that he could NOT be there one day. I know my mom is unhappy, and I want her to be happy, I just wish it didn’t have to be this way. And then, in thinking that, I feel like I’m not being loyal to her or something, and I want to be loyal to my mom and support her, but I just feel torn. Like I am betraying her by saying that I will miss Bob or even that I wish she wasn’t divorcing him.

Jake’s stupid Annual Banquet coming up…… seriously I am not really looking forward to this thing. I am however looking forward to three nights away with my husband and NO kids! This is our yearly “get away” and as much as I don’t like faking a friendly face for a bunch of people that I would love to scream at, I will do just about anything to hang with Jake for a few days minus the kids. We are so good when it’s just us and no kids. I miss those days in Missouri when it was just us hanging out all the time. I love when we get a piece of that back….. like on our date nights or our little trips like this. We do this trip and one for our anniversary, but that has only been since we moved back here. I hope it’s something we can keep up after we move (if we ever move!) The one thing I really am looking forward to though is wearing my dress. This dress is AMAZING! I love it. It is gorgeous! And my goal is for NO ONE to guess that had a baby since last years annual, since last year I was hecka skinny and everyone commented on it (b/c the year before that I was 9 months pregnant!). I love when Jake is proud and that is my goal for him. That is one thing I remember reading in “For Women Only” that husbands really are proud when their wives try to look nice for them and how sometimes other men will see a guys wife and think either “WOW he’s lucky, she takes care of herself (by trying to look nice)” or they think “poor guy” and I will not have people say “poor guy!” Although, I have not been excercising really at all and that is baaaad. I have hit a wall with this weight loss and it’s clear to me that I am not going to lose anymore unless I kick it up a notch. I guess I should use that elliptical I bought huh?

Okay I think that is enough for tonight. Good grief it’s late and Owen is awake again to eat.

The Rundown……

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Saturday night we went to the races with Mom. We took Dylan and Aidan and left Owen with my grandma. Mom is bringing McKenna too. Mom picked up ear muffler looking things for the kids to wear so the noise doesn’t hurt them. It was too loud for me at some points, not all, but enough so that I don’t want the boys to not be protected. The races were sort of stressful for me b/c the kids would NOT sit down. I think I watched MAYBE 5 minutes COMBINED time of the races. The last straw for me was Aidan throwing a screaming fit and Dylan knocking his soda all over the kid in front of us. Talk about embarrassing. So I packed up me and Aidan I left. Aidan and I had gone out after Mom and Jake and Dylan and Kenna….. that way I could leave early to get back to Owen. Good thing too b/c Mom and Jake and the kids didn’t get back until almost 11!!!!
Needless to say we skipped church so the kids could sleep in from such a LATE night. Sunday morning we got up and Jake started doing some yardwork. I called mom to see if the boys could go over there for the morning/afternoon while we cracked out some yard work. We got almost all that I wanted done DONE, there will be some tidy up stuff to do on Friday or Saturday before the shower, but pretty much the big stuff got done. πŸ˜€
Then I had to take Owen to the Dr. so they could make him POOP. He still had not really gone…he went Saturday but just a teeny bit. I called Sunday and they wanted me to bring him in, so I did. They did some “stuff” to him and gave him a suppository (I had given him one saturday too) and sent us home. When we got home he finally had a BLOWOUT. I got him cleaned up and then we went to our Link Group BBQ at David and Sabrina’s. We stayed there for a while but I was so dang tired I was practically falling asleep on the deck…I felt like I was anyway. Hopefully no one noticed! LOL
Yesterday I had my 6 week OB check-up…. that went good. She talked to me about antidepressants but I said I didn’t want to do that just yet, to which she said “I knew you’d say that” hehe I just want to wait it out and see what happens. I’ll know if I’m getting worse or even just not getting better. I really think it’s just baby blues….After that I went shopping for more baby shower stuff. I can’t say here in case Kacie reads this, but it is going to be SO CUTE! I am very excited to do this. πŸ˜€ I have a TON to do though before Saturday. UGH…not sure how I will get it all done. My mom is going to come help with some stuff….but right now it all just seems like a lot…and I am totally that person that does not ask for help b/c really, I don’t want it (unless it’s my mom) b/c I just like things done a certain way. ;o)
Oh yeah, Owen slept 5.5 hours Sunday night!! That is the most sleep I’ve gotten since before I had him! I felt like a new woman!!! LOL I swear it was because he finally pooped, b/c he hasn’t pooped since then and now he is fussy again. Anyway, since I had gotten SO MUCH sleep that night I was totally in the mood to clean and stuff yesterday so last night I got a lot of cleaning done and I even made dinner! yeah, sounds small, but lately for me, that was a big deal. LOL However, you’d never know I cleaned by looking at it today. 😦 I was just telling my grandma this morning while she was here for a while that that is the ONE thing I HATE about being home all day….the messes. YOu have to constantly be cleaning to keep on top of it…..especially with three kids. Three kids and a husband who forgets to clean up the dinner mess so I am left with it in the morning. Niiiiiiiiiiiiice.
Today is a low key day again.I was beat when I got up this morning. I stayed up too late IM’ing with Marcia last night and I didn’t get to sleep until 1. Then Owen woke up at 4:30, back to bed at 5:20, woke up again at 7:30 and then that was that. I tried to snooze on the couch for a while this morning and succeeded until Owen started getting fussy. Dylan was just playing in the living room and cuddling with me off and on until he got hungry. Aidan didn’t wake up after 10!!!! OMG!!! I love that that kids sleeps in so late! I wish Dylan would do that. Dylan is up at the crack up dawn, always. He is getting good about sneaking into our bed so I don’t even hear him. When I woke up at 7:30 he was there!
Mom is coming over later maybe to help me make some shower stuff but other than that, nothing much today. I just want to sleep. ALL of the kids are asleep right now…granted Owen is on my chest even right now, but at least they are all asleep. I hear the couch calling my name…………………

A whole ‘lotta nothin’ goin’ on!

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Seriously, my life is booooooooooring. At least it is right now. We have not been up to much lately. Saturday night I went to the races with my mom. That was kinda fun. The older two boys stayed with Jake and my grandma kept Owen. I pumped before we left b/c I didn’t want to pump in the nasty bathrooms while we were there. PLUS, who wants to lug around that big pump? Even if it does come in a discreet carry bag? We sat behind this family and the dad had FOUR girls and his g/f was pg too. He was there with a guy who appeared to be his brother b/c that guys kids kept calling him “uncle.” They were half of our entertainment. ;o) At one point, his YOUNG (younger than Aidan) nephew was blowing raspberries at him and he looked at him and laughingly said “I’m gonna f***ing kick your a**!” and then laughed really hard. OMG!! :O Some people are crazy, seriously. Who talks to a little kid like that??? Joking or not.
At one point I got up to go to the concessions to get a snack and I walked by where they were selling beer. I didn’t want a beer (why drink piss?) but I noticed they had Smirnoff. YUM. So I got one of those but it came in a beer cup b/c they wouldn’t let you have the glass bottle. I went back to our seats in the stands and before I could even take a good sip a COP was kicking me out of there!!! Apparently we were sitting in the family section where alcohol was not allowed! AH HA HA!! Such a rebel I am. ;o)
Sunday we went to church, well, Jake and I and Owen went to church. We left Dylan and Aidan at my grandma’s. Everyone was over there all weekend helping my grandma redo her patio. Aidan has Fifth’s right now and even though he’s not contagious I know that they wouldn’t like keeping him in class b/c the rash is so bad. It looks awful. After church we went to granny’s and hung out a few and then went and got lunch and brought it home. Then we all napped and dinked around here. The boys went to mom’s last night b/c I was really wanting to clean uninterrupted and I felt motivated to do it last night…… for some reason I just wanted them to go last night instead of tonight. So after they went there I finished reading my book and then we picked up and got the house pretty well straightened up. Not perfect, but pretty decent.
It was a good thing the boys were gone last night b/c Owen didn’t sleep at all! Okay, he did, but not really. He slept in 30-45 minute increments all night long. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!!!That was miserable for me! B/c of that I laid in bed with him until 11am!! Then I had to get ready to take him to the dr at 3(I thought he had thrush….he doesn’t, but I do. ???) and it took me forever to get ready b/c he just cried and cried and criiiiiiied all morning/afternoon. I don’t know what is up with him but he has been SO FUSSY.
To make matters worse, on top of the “thrush” that I thought he had and that I think I do have, he has CRACKED me on both sides. OOOOOOOOOOOUCH!!! Seriously, I can deal with mastitis, but the cracks make me want to stop nursing. Seriously. This morning I was crying b/c it hurt so bad and all I could think of was that I wanted to stop nursing and that just broke my heart. 😦 I called my LC and left her message about it and told her I’d be there at 3 for an appt anyway and to come find me if she could. (she works at the ped’s office)
So we get to his appt and I took a bottle of expressed milk for him and I was giving it to him in the room while we waited for the dr to come in. The nurse saw me giving him a bottle and I told her I din’t want to attempt nursing him in public while it was so painful. Crying in front of total strangers didn’t sound like something I wanted to do today WHILE exposing my boob to nurse. ;o)
So, she went and told the LC that I was giving him a bottle and she came back and said “Nancy said she’d rather you use this (handing me a nipple shield) instead of giving him a bottle” and I started cracking up! I said “I KNEW she would!!!” heehee. I told her I was going to go straight to Target today anyway to buy some so that was good. Then, about five minutes later Nancy comes running in and says “GIVE ME THAT BOTTLE!” ah ha ha!! She took the bottle from me and said “now lift up your shirt!” heehee She got the shield on me right b/c I had no idea how to use it and I didn’t want to try until I got home. She got in on and I started nursing and OMGOOOOOOOSH it felt so much better. It didn’t hurt at all. I was so grateful! I absolutely looooooooove her. She is a boob saver. πŸ™‚ hehe I am on strict orders the rest of the week though to get the cracks healed up and the suspected thrush cleared up before he gets it. This should be fun…..a few more things to add to my list of “to-do’s.”
Tonight I ordered all of the stuff for Kacie’s baby shower on the first. I am excited. It is going to be sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. I can’t tell the details here in case she reads it, but I am excited. I hope she likes it. I am putting a lot of thought into the details and I hope it turns out good. πŸ™‚

Also, STILL no orders. 😦 How much longer before I really go crazy waiting???

Today was a so-so day. I talked to Lanita earlier while I was driving to the dr’s and I just started bawling. I don’t know why, but today was teary day. Saturday and Sunday were pretty okay, but today was an off day. I think that sometimes I feel like I just want something that resembles my life back. Not my life before kids, but life with kids….. like right before I got pg with Owen everything was pretty perfect….as much as it could be. I want it back to that, and I don’t want it to take a year this time. I just want to feel like ME again. ME with a grip on things. And I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, but yeah, that is easier said than done….and it’s something I am trying to work on. ………..