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Sugar Coated Truth

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I often say that I don’t like sugar coating things.

That’s not entirely true. So I guess that would be…. sugar coating? Or just not being real. I don’t know. I’ll let you decide.

If you ask me if an outfit is good or bad, I’ll tell you straight up.

If you ask me my opinion on a situation, I’ll let you have it.

If you ask me if I like how something that you made tastes, I’ll be honest.

I won’t sugar coat that stuff. I don’t think that’s fair. And truly, it’s not trustworthy. I’m not cruel about it, just honest.

BUT…. but….

If you ask me how I’m doing, I’ll sugar coat. I’ll even flat out lie.

If I have to think about how I’m feeling about something, I’ll joke and laugh and stuff it down.

If God puts something in my lap that I know is HUGE for my heart or my character or my relationships, I won’t talk about it. Until it’s over. I don’t want to share it until it’s all cleaned up and in a pretty package, preferably with a victorious bow on top.

And that, that really isn’t fair.

I’m not quite sure what to do with myself concerning this. I’m an open book, about PAST things, not about current things.

I don’t want advice. I don’t want pity. I don’t want your two cents. I don’t want to look like something might be wrong with me to a point that makes you question my sanity or my character.

And I’m totally aware that those are unreasonable wants and expectations. I know.

But when you’ve always been the helper, the advice giver, the one everyone goes to to fix things…… it’s hard to say “I need fixing” or “I’m being fixed” because then you have to TALK ABOUT IT. And like I said, I’m good at sharing when it’s all said and done. Not during.

So, as a leap of faith, I’m sharing. Even though it’s making my skin crawl.

I feel like God is calling me to something bigger, and it’s making me retreat.

I feel like things I’m doing aren’t enough, and I need to do more.

On the flip side of that, I feel like I’m doing too much in certain ways and need to do less.

I feel my heart hardening with bitterness and sadness, and I don’t know why. I’m just plain ole’ grouchy to be honest.

God is seriously PULLING on my heart, and I am seriously pulling back because I’m scared. I don’t like MORE responsibility, because I usually take it very seriously, and right now that scares me.

So, that’s where I’m at now. And being this vulnerable is quite scary. But it’s not fair for me to put on a happy face, do a happy dance, and never let you in.


10 responses »

  1. Just so you know…(this is not advice, per se) remember that God doesn’t call you to do things you can’t do. ;o) (I have to remind myself of that fairly OFTEN!)
    love you.

    • I know, I think of that almost everyday….. and then I wonder if the reason some things are so hard or leave me feeling like this is because I shouldn’t be doing them. I’ve never been very decisive so that makes it difficult. LOL

    • Okay, I thought more about my first response to this….

      I think it’s not so much that I shouldn’t be doing whatever it is, but that I need to change things in order to do them well. Things that I don’t like changing. That makes more sense. So while maybe I should be doing it….. I’m not doing it right and I have to change what I don’t want to change.

      It’s not bad….. it’s just…. growing pains. 😉

  2. Now this makes me wonder if a lot of moms feel this way. I too feel like I’m supposed to be doing something more, but I’m already doing so much. I’ve been doing a lot of praying, questioning, and soul searching for the past year or so, ever since it was made aware that I was involved in way too much. I’m not even sure if I know the answer yet, but I think one reason I get involved in so much is to find that one thing that I feel is missing. I think if I don’t try the things that weigh on my heart and mind then how will I ever know what God wants in my life. Or maybe it is also to prepare me for whatever it is that God ultimately wants me to do. Hmm… I don’t know, you’ve given me a few more things to question about myself, thanks for your vulnerabilty (yea a bit corny, but seriously)so… no advice, no pity, no judgement, just my 2 cents; 1 out of your 4 don’ts isn’t bad right?! 🙂

    • We often feel the same about things it seems. I wonder if that has anything to do with our personality types????? 😆

      Thanks Friend!

  3. Hi – Love you Little One. One of the biggest mistakes we make is failure to seek help.

    In about 2005 I went into a very severe depression – papa never had even been close before! I knew it wasn’t right and I went for help. Immediately! I went to those I knew I could trust and who knew where to look. They helped me work through it quickly. I was eager for help.

    Trust your Savior, be careful with additional work. Be sure you know and understand what is driving that. You do not have to fix everything. I would like to help eliminate the homeless situation in the USA – fix it. I can’t. But last year I helped a dozen or more get help and turn their lives around – not many – but Those dozen people are happy! There were double that who did not turn around. Yeah that hurts. But when Melanie came on facebook this morning – anxious to see us next week and now working, that made my day – and she is only one person. But she was God’s assignment to me. Trust him Brandy.

    It took me 15 minutes to type this. You know why, it is hard for me to physically do this, but this was God’s assignment for me at 6:45AM.

  4. I felt like the whole first part of this was like reading something I could have written about myself. I usually just feel like I should deal with my issues myself but I’m not even sure why. I never think less of people that ask for help/advice. In fact I usually admire their ability to be so honest. Just know you aren’t alone.

  5. Alright lady. Lots of things I’d like to say. Lots of things to catch up on. But this is just one of many things I just need to put out there.

    If you find yourself overcommitted and overwhelmed my hope is that you will be able to simplify your life, and be able to do it guilt-free. You have had an understandably crazy time lately. It’s all about the seasons of life. I think you have a season of pairing down ahead of you. I’ve heard you say you have all these things you are in the middle of and all these commitments you are considering. But….maybe for a season….consider a commitment to pair down your commitments. I think this is so ethnic you are possibly already considering. I just wanted to encourage you that if you are having pangs of guilt creep in, to pay them no attention. Sometimes we just need a break. Take it or leave it, my way of sending you a little encouragement. Nothing but love for you lady. I’d hug you if I could.

  6. “so ethnic” ? Uh, no…..that was supposed to say “something” That was auto correct at it’s best. I should always proofread BEFORE pushing enter.


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