When we moved here over 2 years ago I had NOTHING to do. Nothing. I was bored out of my mind. Now, I’m so busy I can’t see straight. From my perspective. I know several people who are busier than I am and cope just fine….. and some who are less busy and are unwraveling at all ends. It’s all about what we can handle for ourselves.
And I wish I could handle everything and then some. I read something the other day and for the life of me I can’t remember who posted it. It was either a blog, facebook, or twitter were I stalk. Or twalk…. wouldn’t that be appropriate twitter speak?
Anyway, this person said “I over promised and under delivered.” Dang do I know how that feels. I never want to do what I do poorly. I want to be able to do all that I say I’m going to do and do it well. Sometimes I feel like committing to things and being willing to say yes is a good quality in a person, so I do it a lot. What is even BETTER than that quality though, I’m learning, is the ability to say no because you know you won’t do something well if you spread yourself too thin. I’m learning. I still struggle.
It goes with my people pleaser tendencies, right along with all the stuff in my previous post. It’s all about pleasing others, and not yourself. Granted, I will admit to getting pleasure out of doing things for others. I do. It’s selfish, but I do. I like it. I like to help, I like to be the one who knows the answer, who people will call for whatever…. I will do it until my heart is depleted, instead of content.
And I’m leaning towards depleted at the moment. Now, if you’re reading this and you know me and I’ve done stuff for you or you’ve asked me to do something and I’ve said yes or am currently doing it….. this is not a passive aggressive “I hope you feel bad” thing. At all. I’m a big girl. I know when to call it quits and I need to be responsible about it. I willingly said yes knowing my limits….. and now I’m going to have to eat crow and say so.
When does this growing up thing end by the way?? Ever? Because I’d like to have it all together sooner rather than later because along the way, it just frustrates myself and others. 😆 But there is beauty in that……
“Where?” you say…. beauty in the fact that we all do it at one point in time or another. Some of us at more points in time than others. And the beauty comes in making allowances for those who are trying to make things right by putting up boundaries. Beauty comes in forgiving those who have overcommitted and dropped the ball on something. Beauty comes in saying to a friend “how can I help you?” And it comes in saying “I’ve been there, I’ve done that, I needed love then, and you need it now, and I’m here to give it.”
Don’t I sound smart? I’m not all that smart, trust me. I still struggle with being that kind of beautiful. I struggle with grace. I struggle with forgiveness….. boy howdy do I! Wait a sec….boy howdy?! 😯
Anyway, the point is…… I’m growing quite ugly in my spirit because I’m too busy to remember these things. ha! Truly, I get cranky, I get fussy, and I get snippy, and worst of all…. I become ungracious and unforgiving. It’s true. I do. But guess what? I recognize that it’s me, not others. I recognize I need to change a few things instead of expecting others to change for me.
So, here I go……