I feel bad for my literally drop off the face of my wordpress earth….. but life has been…. well, it’s not been dull let’s put it that way.
Being 1700 miles from our families has never been more painful than it has been these last 10 days. There are some things going on there that we really want to be there for…. none of it good. Being so far makes you feel like your hands are literally tied, you feel hopeless for yourselves and those you love who are hurting, and in some ways it feels like the world closes in on you.
With the stress and fear of the last 10 days, I have found myself wanting SIMPLE. Anything simple. I find that I am more annoyed with little things too….. like annoyances I find in people. I think to myself “I don’t have time for unimportant things at the moment, and you in comparison to what is going on in our families lives, are not important.” I know…not very gracious of me, but still. My tolerance has definately gone way down. 😐 I find that this is a huge test of how far I have grown in the last 6 months. This is another circumstance that has spiritual warfare written all over it.
Speaking of spiritual warfare, I just finished the book When The Enemy Strikes by Charles Stanley. LIFE CHANGING!!!! If you read nothing else your entire life, read this book. This will be a book I reread over and over again. Our bible study group also just started a study on spiritual warfare by Jack Kuhatschek. So excited to do this study! I think that all of this is perfectly timed (imagine that, God having perfect timing!) with what is going on the lives of our family back home, and some things we have been presented with here in our own family. I told Jake that I feel like right now we are focused on what is happening in the lives of others, while some things here within our own family have fallen by the wayside. We had a big wake-up call discussion about it the other night…. again, perfectly timed…. because if we had let it go any longer we would have gone down an old familiar road again. I could just feel it going that way (thanking God for that discernment) so I am glad we opened our eyes when we did. It feels good to get on the same page again. We now know though not to let our guard down so easily when we are so focused on other trials as well. We still have to remain watchful and always on guard for our own marriage, our own family, at all times.
Back to wanting the simple….. I joked with a friend the other night that I feel like I’m having a “late 20’s life crisis.” 😆 I suddenly feel like I want to move to the country, middle of nowhere, not have ANY neighbors, get rid of my stuff, have the bare minimum, and eat off my own land. 😆 See! I sound slightly like I’ve lost my mind! But truly, I want less. I want less in my life. Less things to clutter my sight (literally and figuratively). Less clothes to wash. Less furniture to dust. Less dishes to dirty. LESS. A friend is selling her house, and while for our family it would be way too small, I still wanted it. I looked at her pictures and thought in my mind how it could work. We could get rid of half of our stuff (more really) and make it work. Just to get off of base, where I feel like we’re packed in like sardines, and have our own space….. our own big backyard, our own house that isn’t also attached to another one where we hear (and smell!) everything. I’m tired of the neighbors cigarette smoke coming into my bathroom through the vents! (oh yes!) I want my own space. I want simple.
I asked my friend if we could look at her house this weekend….. but she said there were alreayd two offers on it…. so that was that. I know…it was seriously a ridiculous idea of mine, but I just feel a little trapped at the moment and the idea of “getting out” seemed so nice! 😆 I started to think though…why can’t I do all that now? Just because we have a large house, doesn’t mean I have to fill it to the brim with STUFF. So, today I started to do that. I am starting to simplify. I feel VERY excited at that thought! I think this has been a long time coming though….. in the last two months or so I’ve gotten rid of probably two truckloads of stuff, and today got rid of a ton more! If I can keep this up I will be on to simpler things! 😉
This will all have to suffice for at least another 10 years when we can retire and become crazies that live in the middle of nowhere and sit on our front porch with shotguns. 😆 hahahahaha!!!!!! Just kidding. We’ll be living on the Southern Oregon Coast. 😉