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Expensive Lesson

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Death is knocking at someone’s door in my family. At this very moment I don’t know if he is even still alive, but I’m praying without ceasing, even as I type this that God will grant us a miracle. My thoughts drift towards the memories I have of him, memories that seem like wasted opportunities to share with him God’s love for him. I think of the many times I was encouraged to call him, because he was asking about me and my family, but I was too busy or thought he wouldn’t miss a phone call from me…. someone who wasn’t a part of his immediate family. I was shocked at my reactive emotions from this phone call bearing bad news. Mostly because I instantly knew I had not done what we are all called to do. I didn’t share something life giving to someone I loved as a part of our family. Now my prayer is that I can have that millionth chance to do that, that he can have a chance to accept it. How can I not know if he knows? As a lover of Jesus that should be my first priority, but I have become complacent in my walk, thinking that people will just instinctively know, or even sometimes thinking that God will use someone else if I don’t do it.

We each have a responsibility to share, in our lifestyle and through our words. Words I never shared, and a lifestyle I don’t think he got to see enough of. I want to live a life that shows instantly who I belong to and what I live for so that if there is a time words can’t be shared, I still know I’ve shown the love of God through who I am and how I love.

These lessons are so expensive.


3 responses »

  1. I hope your friend gets that miracle Brandy.

    If not, and your friend shares your faith, they wiil be moving on to a better place, and be waiting for you to join them.

    You are right that it is important to make sure the people we love know we do. We all fall down in the department at some point in ur lives.

    The best lessons are always the ones that cost the most.

  2. Thank you Ed. He is a cousin. As of earlier tonight, they did a brain scan to see if there is any activity and I learned that he had five heart attacks yesterday….four within one hour. 😦 They also may have to amputate his legs…. he broke both of them 3 weeks ago in a motorcycle accident and now my mom said one is almost black and the other is turning purple. They don’t think he’ll survive the amputation though.

    My heart has been heavy all day, I don’t think I’ve ever prayed this much. I cried so long and so hard that my body aches.

    I was realizing today that I’m at the age that the generation before me in our family will start going…. it’s such a hard reality to face.

  3. This stirred up some memories of how I felt when my grandma passed away, oddly enough it was within days of when this entry was posted last year. The pang of guilt I got when I heard she had passed, the first thought I had was of not calling her and sharing things with her. Ugh. Regret.

    So sorry about your cousin. I don’t even know if I should ask if it went okay for fear of upsetting you. But I love ya girl. So sorry about this.


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