So, I didn’t even know until yesterday morning that today was Ash Wednesday and that it was the kickoff for Lent. I barely even knew about Lent, so I’ve certainly never participated. Yesterday a few posts were made by friends saying what they were giving up, why, what it meant to them. Today followed with several more. Last night I thought a lot about it and today the thoughts just wouldn’t let up. The more I read, the more I heard God saying “DO IT.” And then the nervous stirring that happened after that only solidified it for me. Giving up what God was pushing me to give up made me nervous. I didn’t want to, I still don’t want to, and that tells me I need to.
I have been lacking discipline in an area of my life lately, moreso than at any other time. I don’t know what to blame it on… it could be the winter, the increase of friends in the last several months, the fact that I can do it when I don’t want to do things I need to do, how I use it to avoid, how I use it as a false way of creating validation for myself (ugly and quite disgusting, I know). I notice that I am always concerned with what the latest news is with everyone else because I am a social person, I like to keep up! But that is creating a spirit of gossip within me as well, not the spreading it necessarily, but the acquiring of it. The bottom line is it causes me to wander from more important things. Time with my boys, with my husband, with my Lord, with myself, time fulfilling my responsibilites as a homemaker…. all these things suffer because of it.
I want to be obedient. I’m knee deep right now in regret about times I haven’t been obedient, for reasons I won’t go into here. Right now though I have a chance to redeem that for myself and prove to myself that I CAN be obedient to God when called to. I’ve asked Him for so much in my life, a lot of which He has given me…. and I responded with disobedience and arrogance. He has convicted me of that lately, and now He puts this in my lap. What do I do with it?
So, starting a day late, I’ll be off of FB for 40 days. I’ll still have my email up and running (need that for MOPS), and still be doing my banking online. FB will be my only “sacrifice” during this time. I thought about having a friend change my password for me, but then that takes away the chance for me to make the choice daily. To follow God’s prompting in me daily. So many of our choices as Christians are daily choices, not just a one time “ooh I’m saved and wash me in the water!” choice…. but daily choices to die to ourselves. Funny, this all goes along with my current bible study as well…. another way God is whispering to me “DO IT.”
I hope to come back from this 40 days with a deeper understanding of God’s will in my life, what His plans are for me and my family, and where I fit into His plans. I know He will use me, if I just obey and step away.
I know some of you doubt, I can hear it now…. but please be in prayer for me during this as well, and as yourselves what you can give up? It doesn’t have to be for Lent, it could just be because it’s something that takes you away from following God’s calling on your life…. FB just happens to be mine.