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Sorry….

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……about not blogging for all the people checking in. And seriously, what is with all the checking in when I’ve not been blogging?? My stats were surprising when I actually logged into my dashboard. ๐Ÿ˜ฏ So, I have some news. I’m pregnant.

Just kidding.

Back to reality. My news would be I actually have a topic I want to blog about, and since twitter limits me to 140 characters and Facebook doesn’t have enough space in the “updates” section, I’m forced excited to come back here and share. Seriously though, I am. I’ve been at a blogging loss for awhile now. My problem is with my title. I feel pigeon holed into blogging about the boys, and to be honest….I don’t always want to blog about the boys. In fact I want to change my name but I’ve already done that once, so I won’t do it again. ๐Ÿ˜‰ It will stay My DAO Days, but just know, I won’t be blogging about the boys 24/7. I know, mean mom. ๐Ÿ˜› ๐Ÿ˜†ย  Another thing that won’t change, my overuse of emoticons. Just get over it already. ๐Ÿ˜‰

So I’ve been thinking a lot about God’s will vs. our will. I know, I know…. seems like an overdone topic, but seriously, it’s come up quite a bit lately with myself, with friends in real life, with friends online, with family. It’s always there. Today I started wondering, are we tricking ourselves into thinking that what we want is what God wants as well?

Gonna tell you a little story…..

When I was dating Jake I was a junior in high school. (I know, right?!) It was actually the END of my junior year. He took me to my first prom. (how sweet, I know) We dated through the end of my school year, through the first part of summer, and then he moved to go to college. DUN DUN DUNNNN.ย  After a few dates with him I knew he was different….he was…NICE. Polite. Opened doors. Didn’t try to stick his tongue down my throat 30 seconds into our first date. That didn’t happen until we were married. *wink*wink*ย ๐Ÿ™„ย ย  ๐Ÿ˜†ย  He was just DECENT. Didn’t use foul language around me. Didn’t make crude jokes. I even remember a timeย when I came home from a date with him and my mom looked at my face and said “he’s different isn’t he?” and Iย knew what she meant. ย I knew he was special. I didn’t want to lose special, so I immediately started doing everything RIGHT. I prayed every stinking day about a million times a day. I went to church every stinking time there was a service or study offered. I smiled all the time. I was nice to everyone. I stopped flirting with boys because I had THE ONE. I just KNEW that if I did all things RIGHT, then my will and God’s will would be the same and he would never ever take this perfect person from me. I just knew it. I felt like everytime I did something RIGHT, it was like depositing money into the bank. I thought I was securing what I wanted by giving my all to God, and in return he would give me all I wanted because our wills would be the same.ย  RIGHT?????

About 6 weeks into my senior year, my world came crashing down. After 2+ months of “long distance dating” (seriously, we never saw eachother, but our phone bills were insane) it was over. Done. Kaput. Kapish. However the heck you spell it, it was finished. I was FURIOUS with God. FURIOUS. “How could you do this to me?! This is all I ever wanted! We talked about getting married! Babies! A life! HOW?! Didn’t I do everything right? Isn’t this what you wanted for me too?!” Now, a quick disclaimer: I KNOW, I UNDERSTAND, that in the grand scheme of things, this is a small detail. In fact, it may be seen as insignificant to some, but I promise you, I learned a life long lesson here…. and it can apply to any situation, so sit tight.ย  He broke up with me on my lunch break over the phone. Because you KNOW I went home everyday at lunchtime just to call him. ๐Ÿ™„ I didn’t go back to school that day. Or the next day. My mother was very gracious, and I see now (whether sheย knows it or not) that God gave her a gracious heart towards me during this because I was never allowed to just “skip” school.ย  I stayed in my room. Even after returning to school, I came straight home to my room. I was so angry. So hurt. Just before this had happened I had sent Jake my promise ring….you know…that ring that is supposed to be a declaration that you are going to wait to have sex until you’re married. I laugh now at how SILLY it was for me to send it to him, but I knew that we would be married one day. He knew it too. Before he broke up with me anyway. ๐Ÿ˜†ย  He didn’t get the ring until AFTER the breakup, and he promptly sent it back. Oh I was heartbroken.

The next several months I wrestled with God. “Didn’t we want the same thing God? You and I? I thought this was your will for me? I thought I did everything right. Why would you take this away from me? I prayed. I went to church. I took others to church. I stopped doing things I knew I shouldn’t be doing. I did EVERYTHING you wanted me to do, and still this….”

I had thought that MY will was God’s will, instead of God’s will being MY will. You see, I didn’t change anything about me, until after I got what I wanted. I didn’t give myself over to God completely until I finally had something worth anything. And to be honest, my time with God grew me in ways I never would have otherwise. I devoted myself wholeheartedly to him. Even though my motivation was wrong, God took that and redeemed that by growing my heart in Him, by growing my trust in Him. Even though I was angry with him and went through a rebellious period due to my anger, I humbly came back and fell on my face when I realized that it was MY will that was not aligned with God’s.ย  To think that I shouted at God about HIS will not being MINE?! What did I know? Certainly not what God knew.

When I finally came around to a place where I could openly admit to God my mistakes in how I handled that situation, I found peace. I KNEW, without a shadow of a doubt, that if I saw Jake as the perfect person for me and God took him away from me, then that meant there was someone BETTER that God had in store. Better. I couldn’t even fathom. So, I gave it all up him, knowing that he could see farther than me, that he knew better than me, that he LOVED me enough to let me walk through that trial and learn a few lessons that I would carry with me always. Even still today.

What happened? 10 months after that breakup, Jake came home, and it was as if nothing had happened. It was August. That December we were engaged, and the following May we were married. Last Wednesday was 8 years. Seems like yesterday he took me to my first prom.

I know, in my heart and soul, I was not ready for a life with Jake yet had I not gone through that growing period. I learned to lean on God and trust in him in ways I don’t think I could have learned otherwise, and in ways that I would need during our early years of marriage. That period taught me to first and foremost pray “Father, YOUR will, not mine.” As hard as it is to speak those words, we are fooling ourselves if we don’t acknowledge that it is ALWAYS HIS WILL, not ours. I have to trust that His Will is best for me, no matter how awful it may feel at the time.

***********************************************************************************************

What about you? What in your life has taught you, humbled you into realizing, that God’s will prevails over our own?

What are holding onto right now that you think is God’s will, but could actually be your own will?

Have there been times when you’ve wanted something so badly, it MUST be God’s will? But really, you’re just HOPING it is?

Are you hoping that if you love God enough, he will align his will with yours??

It’s good to remember that God loves US enough to not budge when it comes to his will. It’s good to remember that it’s US who need to align our will with HIM. Anything else brings heartache, confusion, doubt. We serve a God that is about full hearts, clear minds, and certainty that He is on the throne directing every step, no matter how painful.

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14 responses »

  1. You know, I think the MOMENT we make the choice to pray for our will to align with His, there is a peacefulness that comes with it. My mom and I talked about this not long ago, because of some financial hardships they’ve had with the farm and the acreage not selling. She had been praying for it to sell quickly and for everything to be resolved, but nothing was happening.

    We talked about choosing to pray instead that our hearts would be aligned to His will, His timetable and His solutions… even if they were hard and uncomfortable for us. And while nothing has changed in that situation, our hearts changed. Our worries diminished. Our trust intensified. No matter what happens, good or bad in our eyes, we know it’s ok… because it’s His. The situation hasn’t changed, but our will has.

    Reply
  2. YES. THat is exactly what I am talking about. Brent posted something today during the church chat about how expectations ruin everything. But when our expectation is that it (whatever the case may be) is in God’s hands, then we can trust it is being dealt with as it should be.

    Love you. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
    • Exactly! I used to say that I really don’t have any expectations… that I just take what comes as it does. But recently I told someone that my expectation is that everything will always be ok… and I believe that. It may not look ok to other people, it may not even feel ok to me, but I have no doubt that all of my life is fine because all of it is His. It really is that simple.

      Reply
  3. and p.s. I went ot your blog about 10 minutes ago and there was nothing new and I looked at my clock and said “ah crap, I have 7 more minutes.” ๐Ÿ˜†

    Reply
  4. No, I can’t go outside or open a window. But I can look out and see a pretty patio now. I’m trying to learn to appreciate the beauty of outside without it hurting to not be out there. I’ll always long to be out there, but I can do it with a smile instead of it hurting so much. Or at least I’m trying to. ๐Ÿ™‚ My parents came and set it up, and dad took Riley for a walk. When they came in and Riley jumped on my lap I reacted to whatever was in the air that stayed on his fur. There’s really no hope for being outside again.

    Reply
  5. awww friend. I am so sorry about your reaction. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I love the perspective you are chosing though….and I am glad that you have something beautiful to look at for your days. My heart hurts for you, but I know that if anyone can find the positive in something it is you. ๐Ÿ˜‰ God gave you that gift for a reason, and you use it well, and it spreads to those around you. I love you! ((((hugs)))))

    Reply
  6. LOVE your learnings in this ๐Ÿ™‚

    i have (hopefully?) learned that whenever ‘i’ want something it is probably my ‘earthly’/physical self that wants it’s own will and that is usually FAR from His.

    The thing i need to do is learn to tell those RARE occasions when what ‘i’ actually want is what my Soul, that is closer to Him than ‘i’ am, actually wants and not that other less-than-perfect ‘me’ who cares more for my own wants and will than His for me.

    Whenever i follow my ‘flesh and blood’ that is of this world i almost never do the will of my Father who is of Spirit.

    The two are almost never ‘compatible’ i find.

    And as you posted, we rarely believe that to be the case feeling confident that if we want ‘right’ things we are following His Will – even when evidence appears to the contrary.

    God and life does indeed provide some painful lessons!

    Hoping you have already learned most of yours and He is ready to send more blessings your way.

    i think i probably have a few more to learn yet ๐Ÿ˜‰

    in fact, in a way, i’m looking forward to them!

    <B

    Reply
  7. i love that you shared this.

    i want to live an exchanged life. i just need to make the RIGHT exchange.

    Reply
  8. I also love that yhou shared this.

    I know when I am in HIS will, my life plate (k, platter) is all aligned.

    Love you

    Reply
  9. Thanks girlies. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
  10. Pingback: I’m going your way « MY DAO DAYS

  11. Had a few awesome examples of this and also a very humbling and recent example of this. Gah. Glad He doesn’t expect perfection from us.

    Reply

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