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It hurts my heart

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BE WARNED: there is kid poop talk ahead. Just sayin.

I’m feeling pretty crappy right now in the mom department. πŸ˜•

Dylan just came downstairs for the THIRD time in an hour to, yet again, go to the bathroom. He knows to just use the upstairs bathroom so he fabricated a need to poop. His second time down I told him he’d get a spank if he kept getting up. But when he tells me he needs to poop, I can’t spank him for that. Before he told me though I yelled at him “Dylan! What are you DOING down here AGAIN?!” and he instantly sat on the stairs and started crying. He has never done that. My heart sank. I felt awful, but I didn’t respond right away with “I’m sorry.” Instead I asked why he was crying and he just kept saying he wanted grandma. He wanted to call grandma. He wanted grandma because I yelled at him and that was why he was crying. ugh. I could cry. I held him and told him I was sorry and told him I shouldn’t have yelled at him, asked him to forgive me, and told him that it hurts my heart when I have done something to make him cry. πŸ˜₯ Then he went into the bathroom to go and what do ya know? He didn’t go.Β  😦

I am so frustrated with him. Naptime is two hours long. In two hours he gets up an average of SIX TIMES to go pee or poop. SIX TIMES! It’s like he paces himself just to aggravate every nerve I have. The same thing happens at bedtime. He drags bedtime out for about two hours every. single. night. I am at my wits end. And I can’t spank him because he goes to the bathroom everytime. Even though he didn’t poo this time, he did pee. I can’t spank him for that. What am I supposed to do? I cannot figure it out. And I don’t want to encourage him to go in his pull up because I am afraid that would mess him up. He’s just finally stopped peeing his pants every day. 😦 The key there was that I put a diaper on him and made him wear it one day after about the THIRD time he peed his pants. He hasn’t peed in them since.

I’m feeling very frustrated. I have NO CLUE what to do from here on out. This business of dragging out bedtime for so long is SO OLD and I am so annoyed by it. And then he asks me to lay down with him. I tell him no because I can’t reward his behavior by laying down with him. Plus we don’t want to make it a habit….. not that we don’t ever lay down with them, but not at sleeping times. The way Dylan is, he would milk it EVERY night after we gave in once. We’ve been down that road before and don’t care to go down it again. *sigh*

I hate when my mommy heart hurts and doesn’t know what to do.

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7 responses »

  1. If I start this off with the typical.. I’m sorry. Brandy my heart hurts because I know what you are going through, been there..done that.. and have 3 t-shirts to prove it.. I have no magical advice

    BUT… keep your ground and keep fighting.

    Love ya girl.. prayin more than you know

    Reply
  2. Hi hun πŸ™‚

    i don’t have kids so i’m no expert but i DO know ‘some’ things – i learn as i go and i’ve been going more than most here in blogland πŸ˜‰

    i KNOW that you are not the ONLY one who has ever faced this exact same thing with one or more of their kids. I know others have found successful solutions and that it was not because they are smart and you are not – or that they love their kids more than you do – nothing like that.

    There are people with the answers for you – it is simply a matter of finding them and spending a little time with them to learn the ‘secret’ that will give Dylan what HE needs. ( and it could be a slightly different secret for every child.. but the answer IS ‘out there’.

    So where is it? how do you get hold of it? How much is it or who’d you hafta kill?? πŸ˜‰

    Ask around, search the net for support groups. The answers to the most basic of life’s difficulties are often very ‘close’ to us, we merely need ask (of Him or, of those we meet day to day – which is sometimes one and the same thing πŸ™‚ )

    Every child is unique – what works for one may not work for another… having three unique kids together in one house is a juggling act i doubt i would have the skill or patience to deal with so it’s a good job you are a GOOD mom, huh? πŸ˜‰

    As for Dylan he clearly is getting what he wants (more ‘up time’/contact and attention from the woman he loves!) πŸ™‚

    He has found a way to not do what you want him to do (sleep/nap – give you ‘space’ – have him have rest – let his bro’s rest) and even frustrated angry attention is what he prefers to ‘isolation when he can’t fall asleep instantly.

    He MAY just have more energy than he can contain – and you definitely should not ‘punish’ him by making him rest ‘alone’ for having that if it is just the way HIS body/mind is naturally now.

    kids get cranky when they don’t have enough rest… but if he needs less sleep than his younger brothers might you may need to adjust to that??

    You are there and i am not so i can’t say why Dylan does not nap/want to sleep so i cant give you THE answer… i hope i can help you ask the right questions to make finding the right answer easier for BOTH of you πŸ™‚

    There is one and it will most likely be a very simple easy one… just not necessarily the one we normally think of as containing the ‘best’ result.

    Dylan might be old enough to give you the answer himself… talk with him and see if he can tell you why it is hard for him to sleep and let him know how good sleep is for him (you might have to lead by example!) 😯

    He might not have all the words to say exactly what he feels yet – but help him get ‘out’ what he can. Kids are often way smarter than we think.

    i know it is not ‘funny’ – but it is likely Dylan has made this into a sort of game where only he knows ‘the rules’ so that he gets his way (and therefore wins the game).

    You may simply have to offer him a ‘better game’ where you BOTH get what you want – but it could be a mistake to let HIM know that – you need to stay one step ahead (at least) πŸ˜‰ or the game is going to be over and Dylan wins and you and Jake lose.

    And we definitely don’t want THAT! πŸ™‚

    e-mail me if you like… ok?

    Good luck Bwan! and hang in there Kitty.

    <B

    Reply
  3. Brandy,

    First, my credentials: I am a father of four grown children, none of whom have EVER been incarcerated (to my knowledge). So here’s my 28 years of experiential advice talking:

    Ya get what ya stroke.

    If a child continues to do something, I have to ask myself why or, better, “what am I doing that is encouraging him?”

    Sometimes discouraging (or negative attention, a.k.a. punishment) works but sometimes not…

    The old joke about house training a dog by rubbing his nose in ‘it’ and throwing him outside until the dog begins to rub his own nose in it and runs out all by himself. Turns out the dog actually likes it and enjoys the game that I have “taught” him.

    Here’s what I might try: What is the shortest amount of time Dylan goes before coming downstairs? Take the time and subtract a few minutes, set the timer on the stove. When the timer goes off, go to his room and tuck him in again. Do this 6 times the first night. 5 the next…

    Catch him staying in bed.

    Then in one week come back and blog about it, telling the world how ridiculous all of this really is and how I should really just stick to poetry πŸ˜‰

    Reply
  4. i have no advice, but would love to hear if you find something that works so i can file it away in my “i’ll be a mom someday” file.

    i’m sorry your heart is hurting…

    Reply
  5. Love, are you sure you don’t have some kids hidden away somewhere? πŸ˜‰ Thank you. I like all you had to say. ANd this made me laugh really hard: i know it is not β€˜funny’ – but it is likely Dylan has made this into a sort of game where only he knows β€˜the rules’ so that he gets his way (and therefore wins the game). HAHA!!!
    *
    Ric, I kind of like your idea as well. Today I skipped nap for him and tonight I am going to try the checking on him every 10 minutes thing…since he gets up about every 15 or so.
    *
    Will report later friends! Thanks Heidi! I know you’ve BTDT as well. πŸ˜‰
    Love you G!
    Love you Alece!

    Reply
  6. Keep standing your ground mama.

    Maybe you could just try making him go right before bed (which I’m sure you already do) and just letting him know that there will be absolutely NO getting up to go again once He’s in bed. Or maybe limit it to one additional potty trip once in bed. However, the dragging out bedtime for two hours would have to go. I just couldn’t take it. That MY sacred time, and I don’t feel guilty about it one little but. But I definitely feel your pain in this one.

    Reply

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