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My brain and nerves, are fried…..

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I’m just tellin’ you now, this post is going to be a bit of a whine session. I missed my appt with my counselor today and I have a strong urge to vent. Strong. Urge.

My brain feels completely FRIED and my nerves, they are shot. Completely shot. I can’t even think. Once in a while I get to a place where I literally cannot think. At all. At. All. Finally, I know what it’s like to be a man. πŸ˜‰ Sorry to my male blogging friends that I love so dearly. πŸ˜† It just makes me think of those times when I ask Jake “Whatchya thinkin’?” and he says “nothing” and I say “seriously how can you seriously think about nothing?” and he says “easy, don’t think.” For a person like me, that is insanity b/c I am always thinking about something. But every once in a while I literally “check out” and just cannot function. This is how I feel today. I have had waaaaaay too much sugar for one. We are not a “sweets in the house” family at all, so all of the Easter candy that the kids got from the grandparents….well…it’s burnin’ a hole on my kitchen counter so I’ve taken it upon myself to save said counter and snarf down the candy by the handfuls when I make a pass through the kitchen. It’s not been a pretty sight. A tasty one, but not pretty. Also, lately, we’ve not been eating very well at all. Embarrassingly, I have not really had the will to cook. I have cooked some, just not a lot. We’ve eaten a lot of take out and gone out to eat at various places. This has not been good on my tummy. Maybe why I thought I was pregnant. THAT was a scary thought and one that caused much stress as well. *sigh* No worries, I am not pregnant. It’s impossible, but sometimes, my body likes to trick my mind I think. Anyway……

The kids, I love’m dearly, but they have been driving us NUTS all day. Here is the scenario: Dylan, the almost 4 year old (next month) talks more than a teenage girl who’s had a lot of caffeine to drink. Seriously, this kid does NOT STOP talking ever. Blah blah blah blah blahhhhh all day long about nothing. Seriously nothing. And loud, this kid is LOUD. I have to take the blame for most of that though. He is loud by nature….or genetics. Take your pic. I am told, all the time, that I was the loudest kid anyone had ever met and that I talked nonstop. My family tells me this is payback in its finest form. πŸ˜† I say I couldn’t POSSIBLY have been as loud as him. In return, I get glares that could burn a hole through your skull. haha! πŸ˜† Apparently the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. πŸ˜‰Β  Then there’s Aidan. Oh sweet Aidan…..or not. My baby, my sweet precious, mild mannered, quiet, gentle, loving, whispering, smiling, eye lash batting baby…..well, he is gone. He left the building when he turned two. And the child left in his place is getting louder, meaner, and down right stubborn. He is my biter. I cannot believe how much he BITES. We are at our wits end with his biting. 😦 And he has a temper, OOOOH does he have a temper. He has that head banging temper going on, with the scream that comes from deep down an comes out all scratchy like a cat. Sometimes I laugh at it b/c it is the most ridiculous primal scream ever, and well, it’s funny. Sometimes. And now for the baby, baby O as I like to call him. My poor baby O has reached the stage of the seperation anxiety. 😦 He cries when we leave the room, he cries when we turn our head away from him, he cries when we put him down, he cries when he’s forgotten we’re holding him…… you get the picture. Poor thing. Also, I think he is FINALLY cutting some bottom teeth. His poor gums felt swollen earlier and he is chomping on everything in sight. Plus, I think he is going through a growth spurt. He is taking longer naps and wanting to nurse more. His usual behavior during a growth spurt.

Okay, now that I’ve painted you a picture of where each kid is at developementally, picture all of these things going on AT THE SAME TIME ALL DAY LONG. That has been today. It has been insane!! Jake and I just stared at each other like “seriously? Is this seriously happening?” and remember, we are trying to get things ready to move. We are trying to load up the trailer and pack clothes and organize the entire house for the movers. We are officially moving out tonight. Jake will be at my grandma’s (where the trailer now currently is parked as of a few hours ago) tonight with the boys while I come back home and do more work. I am actually looking foward to being here alone with no one bothering me or running around throwing temper tantrums or following me around with a steady stream of preschooler commentary or crying when I go into the garage to do some laundry.

I love my kids. They are so extremely precious, and even on days like this where they literally fry my brain and my nerves, I still look at them and my heart warms just seeing them smile. I love to look at Aidan’s smiling face and see the freckles across his nose. And Dylan has eyes that dance when he is excited. And baby O, he has the best little smile where he scrunches up his nose, squints his eyes, and pants through a semi open mouth and throws his head back. Cracks me up everytime.

We have two full days left to get everything done, and doing it with kids underfoot is extremely hard. Especially when those poor babies KNOW there is something going on and at times like this, they want and need extra attention to feel safe and secure. I really want to make sure I still give them that, but it is really hard to not get frustrated at this point. Although, at this moment, Jake and I are sitting here cracking up b/c this is what we are listening to:

Dylan is singing “I went to the fair! With not anyone! I went to the fair! With not anyone! Rapunzel Rapunzel let down your hair! And the prince got dressed! And Rapunzel Rapunzel let down your hair!” He is really into singing right now. πŸ˜† πŸ˜‰ hahahahaha!!!!

Okay, off to go get something probably not good for me to eat and drop Jake and the boys off at my grandma’s.

I’ll leave on this note….Aidan is now singing “Rapunzel Rapunzel let down your hair and go lay down!” while Dylan now has a walkie talkie and is running from room to room saying “hewo? is anyone there? Rapunzel Rapunzel turn it off!”

πŸ˜†Β Β Β Β Β  πŸ˜†Β Β Β Β  πŸ˜†


10 responses »

  1. dude. I got stressed out just reading that. ack!
    sooooo your officially moving TODAY?? What’s up wiht that? when do the movers come?
    also, how did you “win” about parking the trailer at your grandmas? So glad you did though b/c it makes MUCH more sense!!!

    I wish I was there to help!!



  2. One day you’ll look back on all this and laugh!

    I just hope it’s not from inside a straight-jacket! Woo-Hoo! 😯

    Reading this makes me glad i don’t have kids (that i know of! πŸ˜‰ )

    I’m sure the kids get their looks from their Mom and their habits from dear old Dad hee-hee!

    love <B

  3. Ohh… i forgot…

    Repeat after me and visualise it: Cool calm ocean, cool calm ocean…

    did that and the the ‘vent’ help any?? πŸ™‚

    love <B

  4. I know one day I’ll look back and miss all of this! 😯

    Oh yes, the straight jacket…. I think right now that would be welcomed…it would make me be still! haha!

    “Reading this makes me glad i don’t have kids (that i know of! πŸ˜• )” 😯 πŸ˜†

    Actually Love, the boys look EXACTLY like daddy…. they only looked like me the first two months of their lives. πŸ˜‰

  5. Love, the ocean is my most favorite place in the whole world! And not the busy crammed beaches, but the quiet places where there aren’t many people. I could live there forever!

  6. Sure love you and pray for you – I disagree with one thing – Men do think! We are lousy at sharing our emotions. We have to learn to do that. It is a “Threat” to do that – it makes us vulnerable. I’d like to think I am the exception but mama may say otherwise. How do you change that?

    1) Talk about it – non confrontational. Be sure he knows that it is important.
    2) If it is important – discuss with your counselor.
    3) Devotions together is a start – discuss what you read together – and then discuss those non-threatening family issues.
    4) Get him to talk about his interests, work – sports.

    Sorry, I got carried away Brandy!

  7. Being a father of 4 with the youngest now 21, I feel as though I should have some profound wisdom to pass along, but all that comes to mind is “Been there. Done that.”

    I remember moving into a new house and it was like 11pm, several naked light bulbs, running on fumes from an 18 hour day, and the last piece of furniture unloaded from the moving van. My 2 daughters were crying because I refused to assemble their canopy beds until the next day and my 3 year old is crying because well, while all of this has been fun and exciting, he is now ready to “go home” so he can go night night.

  8. Brandy, trying to stop thinking is a little like trying not to think of the word rhinoceros, it can’t be done. Like Love suggest the best you can do is try to think of something pleasant, and ignore the craziness around you. Which is also probably impossible.

    One important thing is NO SUGAR!

    Moving will drive anyone crazy. Kids can drive anyone crazy. If you are at least a little crazy to begin with that can help. πŸ™‚

    You will get through the move. Of course, your kids will still probably continue to drive you crazy. πŸ™‚

  9. T, I’ll send you an email about how I “won” the great debate of the trailer parking. πŸ˜‰ Movers come Thursday. 😯
    I wish you were here too. 😦
    Papa, you always give me such good advice. I love you!
    Ric, I think you have successfully scared me!! 😯 That is what I imagine happening when we finally get to North Dakota. While the kids want to move, I think that once we get there they’ll say “okay lets go home now” and break out in hysterics. *sigh* Even still, your story made me laugh!
    Ed, I am going to competely try and detox their little bodies, AND MINE, of sugar today. Lots of water, eggs for breakfast, grilled cheese for lunch, and I’m not sure about dinner yet. They are already boycotting the no sugar, but they just requested more eggs. πŸ˜‰ Thumbs up!

  10. Picture me after reading this…

    in corner

    in fetal position

    rocking back and forth

    repeating, “save me – save me – they’re coming after me, save me!”


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