Here they are….

1 vs. 3

I read this on a website called MomSquawk earlier today while googling for something else. I thought it was incredibly indicitive of our life here!

Baths with one child: Thorough cleaning, relaxing, playtime. Maybe you even bathe with your kiddo.
Baths with two kids: Every other night, splashfest, mop up the floor once they’re in bed.
Baths with three kids (older two together, baby alone): Eh, you don’t reek from where I’m standing. It can wait another night.

Mealtime with one child: Nutritionally perfect meals, little mouth and hands wiped after every few bites.
Mealtime with two kids: Take it or leave it. Runs for the camera instead of a napkin when spaghetti face happens.
Mealtime with three kids: If I start a food fight, maybe you can aim for each other’s mouths?

Storytime with one child: I would never dream of skipping a page of any of your favorite three books every night!
Storytime with two kids: Dr. Seuss gets creatively edited here and there; you pray the kids don’t pick up on it.
Storytime with three kids: You can recite One Fish, Two Fish in your sleep (and occasionally do). You sometimes dream of a place with lovely padded walls where not everything rhymes in singsong cadence.

my soon to be newest appendage

However, they are more wine colored in person.

I may never….

be 100% on top of my laundry.

in fact, I may never be 50% on top of my laundry.

I may never be that person that gets up at 5 or 6am just because the world is still quiet.

I may never be the domestic diva I sometimes dream of being,

or be the organizational dynamo I wish I could be.

I may never be as thin as I was when I was married,

or be as fit as I hope to be.

I may never be as forgiving as I am called to be,

nor as humble as I need to be.

I may never be the perfect mom I desire to be,

or the perfect wife I’m sometimes wanted to be.

I may never reach the perfection I put upon myself,

or the perfection others want to put on me.

And that’s okay.

Sorry….

……about not blogging for all the people checking in. And seriously, what is with all the checking in when I’ve not been blogging?? My stats were surprising when I actually logged into my dashboard. So, I have some news. I’m pregnant.

Just kidding.

Back to reality. My news would be I actually have a topic I want to blog about, and since twitter limits me to 140 characters and Facebook doesn’t have enough space in the “updates” section, I’m forced excited to come back here and share. Seriously though, I am. I’ve been at a blogging loss for awhile now. My problem is with my title. I feel pigeon holed into blogging about the boys, and to be honest….I don’t always want to blog about the boys. In fact I want to change my name but I’ve already done that once, so I won’t do it again. It will stay My DAO Days, but just know, I won’t be blogging about the boys 24/7. I know, mean mom.   Another thing that won’t change, my overuse of emoticons. Just get over it already.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about God’s will vs. our will. I know, I know…. seems like an overdone topic, but seriously, it’s come up quite a bit lately with myself, with friends in real life, with friends online, with family. It’s always there. Today I started wondering, are we tricking ourselves into thinking that what we want is what God wants as well?

Gonna tell you a little story…..

When I was dating Jake I was a junior in high school. (I know, right?!) It was actually the END of my junior year. He took me to my first prom. (how sweet, I know) We dated through the end of my school year, through the first part of summer, and then he moved to go to college. DUN DUN DUNNNN.  After a few dates with him I knew he was different….he was…NICE. Polite. Opened doors. Didn’t try to stick his tongue down my throat 30 seconds into our first date. That didn’t happen until we were married. *wink*wink* :roll:     He was just DECENT. Didn’t use foul language around me. Didn’t make crude jokes. I even remember a time when I came home from a date with him and my mom looked at my face and said “he’s different isn’t he?” and I knew what she meant.  I knew he was special. I didn’t want to lose special, so I immediately started doing everything RIGHT. I prayed every stinking day about a million times a day. I went to church every stinking time there was a service or study offered. I smiled all the time. I was nice to everyone. I stopped flirting with boys because I had THE ONE. I just KNEW that if I did all things RIGHT, then my will and God’s will would be the same and he would never ever take this perfect person from me. I just knew it. I felt like everytime I did something RIGHT, it was like depositing money into the bank. I thought I was securing what I wanted by giving my all to God, and in return he would give me all I wanted because our wills would be the same.  RIGHT?????

About 6 weeks into my senior year, my world came crashing down. After 2+ months of “long distance dating” (seriously, we never saw eachother, but our phone bills were insane) it was over. Done. Kaput. Kapish. However the heck you spell it, it was finished. I was FURIOUS with God. FURIOUS. “How could you do this to me?! This is all I ever wanted! We talked about getting married! Babies! A life! HOW?! Didn’t I do everything right? Isn’t this what you wanted for me too?!” Now, a quick disclaimer: I KNOW, I UNDERSTAND, that in the grand scheme of things, this is a small detail. In fact, it may be seen as insignificant to some, but I promise you, I learned a life long lesson here…. and it can apply to any situation, so sit tight.  He broke up with me on my lunch break over the phone. Because you KNOW I went home everyday at lunchtime just to call him. I didn’t go back to school that day. Or the next day. My mother was very gracious, and I see now (whether she knows it or not) that God gave her a gracious heart towards me during this because I was never allowed to just “skip” school.  I stayed in my room. Even after returning to school, I came straight home to my room. I was so angry. So hurt. Just before this had happened I had sent Jake my promise ring….you know…that ring that is supposed to be a declaration that you are going to wait to have sex until you’re married. I laugh now at how SILLY it was for me to send it to him, but I knew that we would be married one day. He knew it too. Before he broke up with me anyway.   He didn’t get the ring until AFTER the breakup, and he promptly sent it back. Oh I was heartbroken.

The next several months I wrestled with God. “Didn’t we want the same thing God? You and I? I thought this was your will for me? I thought I did everything right. Why would you take this away from me? I prayed. I went to church. I took others to church. I stopped doing things I knew I shouldn’t be doing. I did EVERYTHING you wanted me to do, and still this….”

I had thought that MY will was God’s will, instead of God’s will being MY will. You see, I didn’t change anything about me, until after I got what I wanted. I didn’t give myself over to God completely until I finally had something worth anything. And to be honest, my time with God grew me in ways I never would have otherwise. I devoted myself wholeheartedly to him. Even though my motivation was wrong, God took that and redeemed that by growing my heart in Him, by growing my trust in Him. Even though I was angry with him and went through a rebellious period due to my anger, I humbly came back and fell on my face when I realized that it was MY will that was not aligned with God’s.  To think that I shouted at God about HIS will not being MINE?! What did I know? Certainly not what God knew.

When I finally came around to a place where I could openly admit to God my mistakes in how I handled that situation, I found peace. I KNEW, without a shadow of a doubt, that if I saw Jake as the perfect person for me and God took him away from me, then that meant there was someone BETTER that God had in store. Better. I couldn’t even fathom. So, I gave it all up him, knowing that he could see farther than me, that he knew better than me, that he LOVED me enough to let me walk through that trial and learn a few lessons that I would carry with me always. Even still today.

What happened? 10 months after that breakup, Jake came home, and it was as if nothing had happened. It was August. That December we were engaged, and the following May we were married. Last Wednesday was 8 years. Seems like yesterday he took me to my first prom.

I know, in my heart and soul, I was not ready for a life with Jake yet had I not gone through that growing period. I learned to lean on God and trust in him in ways I don’t think I could have learned otherwise, and in ways that I would need during our early years of marriage. That period taught me to first and foremost pray “Father, YOUR will, not mine.” As hard as it is to speak those words, we are fooling ourselves if we don’t acknowledge that it is ALWAYS HIS WILL, not ours. I have to trust that His Will is best for me, no matter how awful it may feel at the time.

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What about you? What in your life has taught you, humbled you into realizing, that God’s will prevails over our own?

What are holding onto right now that you think is God’s will, but could actually be your own will?

Have there been times when you’ve wanted something so badly, it MUST be God’s will? But really, you’re just HOPING it is?

Are you hoping that if you love God enough, he will align his will with yours??

It’s good to remember that God loves US enough to not budge when it comes to his will. It’s good to remember that it’s US who need to align our will with HIM. Anything else brings heartache, confusion, doubt. We serve a God that is about full hearts, clear minds, and certainty that He is on the throne directing every step, no matter how painful.

Swimming with the fishies

is where my blog status pretty much is these days.

The Birthday Boy

he thinks he has a cool pose going on!

HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY DYLAN LUKAS!!!

We Killed The Easter Bunny

This is gonna be quick, but I wanted to make sure to get this down.

Today we had a great day with the boys. An Easter Egg Hunt at the zoo…some animals were even out! The ones that could tolerate the cold anyway. After that we ate a picnik lunch in the truck (COLD!). That was kind of fun and simple and sweet. Then we went shopping at WalMart for some odds and ends and food for tomorrow. Easter stuff was EVERYWHERE. The boys were going nuts “We’re gonna get CANDY for Easter!!”      When we left they kept talking about candy and eggs and bunnies and everything that Easter is NOT about. It never occured to me to explain Easter to them yet because they are still so young. When I heard them talking about all that Easter is not, I asked them if they knew what Easter was really about. Nope. So, we explained it in a way that they could understand. Went something like this…..

You know how you know about Jesus and the cross? ”UH HUH” Well, he died on the cross on a Friday and on Sunday he came back to life (I figured ‘rose from the dead’ was going to confuse them). “ohhhhhhh” Yeah, what do you think about that?

Dylan: why did he die?

Me: well you know when we’re naughty and do something we shouldn’t do, something that is wrong?

Dylan/Aidan: yeah

Me: THat is a what SIN is, and God said we all are to die for our sins. Jesus loved us SO MUCH though that he told God, “I will die instead.” Jesus wanted us to be able to live long full lives. He didn’t want us to die. So, he took our place instead. Then God promised to bring Jesus back to life. It also shows us the promise that after we die, we will have a new life in Heaven. Isn’t that cool? Pretty neat huh?

Dylan/Aidan: WHOA!

Dylan: then who puts stuff in our Easter basket? Jesus?

Me: Who do you think?

Dylan/Aidan: blank stare.

Dylan: The Easter Bunny?

Me: well, what did we just talk about? What did I explain that Easter was REALLY about?

Dylan: Jesus

Me: yep

Dylan: so….does….Jesus?

Me: Nope.

Dylan: so…..do…..you?

Me: I just smiled at him.

Then he said “so what about the Easter Bunny?”

Me: While the Easter Bunny is a fun thing to think about and it’s fun to talk about the bunny hiding eggs and giving us chocolate and treats, it’s not REALLY about any of those things is it?

Dylan: Nope, it’s about Jesus coming back to life.

Me: Yes. So do you understand that there really isn’t an Easter Bunny? It’s more for people who don’t believe that Jesus came back to life after dying on the cross. It makes the special day of Easter something fun, but it’s not really what Easter is about.

Dylan: Oh, Okay. It IS about Jesus.

Meanwhile Aidan was paying close attention and nodding and being his shy nonconversationalist self.

Loved that entire conversation.

Always, Always

The song that brings me to my knees these days?? Here is the backstory, a bit of the song, and beneath it….the lyrics.

I was standing in the pouring rain
One dark November night
Fighting off the bitter cold
When she caught my eye
Her face was torn and her eyes were filled
And then to my surprise
She pulled out a photograph
And my heart just stopped inside
She said He would have been three today
I miss his smile, I miss his face
What was I supposed to say

But I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
He will be with you always

He was living in a broken world dreaming of a home
His heart was barely keeping pace
When I found him all alone
Remembering the way he felt
When his daddy said goodbye
Fighting just to keep the tears
And the anger locked inside
He’s barely holding on to faith
But deliverance is on its way

‘Cuz I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
He will be with you always

Friend I don’t know where you are
And I don’t know where you’ve been
Maybe you’re fighting for your life
Or just about to throw the towel in
But if you’re crying out for mercy
If there’s no hope left at all
If you’ve given everything you’ve got
And you’re still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on

Cuz I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all faith is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
Always, Always
He will be with you always
He will be with you always
He will be with you

Hidey Ho Neighbor

So, the last several weeks have been QUITE the rollercoaster around here. The name of this rollercoaster, THE FLU. First Dylan for about a week, then me for a little over a week, then Owen, and now Aidan is on the tail end of his. Poor kid. This flu is NASTY too. Poor Dylan, when he had it, looked like death warmed over. He didn’t budge from the couch, his eyes were always watery, he pretty much had a constant fever, and then the cough started. When I had it, I could barely even stay awake. I felt so bad for the boys, because Jake had gone back to working days, so they were stuck all day with sick mommy. I would get up with them in the morning, get them breakfast, then lay on the couch until lunch. Make lunch, then lay them down for naps and go back to bed myself. I would sleep until Jake got home, even if the boys were up. That is how horrible it was….I couldn’t even stay awake to take care of the kids. PRAISE GOD that they were so well behaved during that time when I needed to rest. They played nicely and quietly. When Jake would get home I’d go into a deep sleep and let him take care of the rest. He had a rough week playing Mr. Mom.   Luckily Aidan and Owen didn’t catch it until I was feeling better. I can’t even imagine if we had all had it at the same time. Jake of course WON’T get it. He never gets what we have. haha!

Only about three months left until our big trip home. We are getting excited, planning and preparing for it. It will be a weird climate change for us, after having 6 months of winter and snow(possibly longer by that point!) and then being just at the beginning of a mild summer. We welcome the change though!!!   Jake and I have talked a LOT about plans for this summer. After being cooped up all winter we plan on being gone A LOT this summer. Lots of camping and day trips for us. There is NO WAY I am going to spend the summer inside like I normally like to.  

Not much else to report around here. Life is pretty ho hum these days, being sick and cooped up in the house. We KEEP GETTING SNOWED ON and it seems like it’s NEVER going to end. Most of our snow had melted, we could see the grass and sidewalks, our driveway was clear, the streets were clear….it was amazing! We were so excited….and then….a blizzard…..and then….snow for three days! AAAAARRRGGHH!!! Now we have another storm we are expecting in the next day or so. I guess I should just be glad we don’t have the floods that Fargo has gotten. I couldn’t even imagine dealing with a flood at any time of the year, let alone when it is as cold as it has been.

Well that about covers it for now. We are hopefully going to be going out for dinner tonight, provided Aidan feels up to it. Jake has to works 12’s for the next two weeks (weekends included I think) so this will be our last chance to get out together as a family for a few weeks.