God Laughs

My sister in law has this saying, “make plans and hear God laugh” and she is soooo right.

Kim emailed everyone from our link group asking for volunteers to host this weekend. I volunteered.

My sister in law is coming this tuesday to help me with stuff for moving. She is an organizational freak and I am lucky she is so willing to help me, considering she lives in Portland.

This morning, the boys woke up with green goo. GREEN GOO. Their noses look like they had green play doh shoved up there. Totally gross. Oh, and Owen is coughing a bit. Oh, AND he threw up last night. Projectile vomit across the couch. For about an hour or so afterwards I was in a complete panic waiting for “the other shoe to drop.” It never did, thank God. Owen remained bubbly and happy and NOT passed out.

God is laughing at my plans I think. I had to cancel on link group and I emailed my sister in law telling her about the boys. If they are sick she can’t come b/c she has a 3yo and my brother in law is self employed so he REALLY can’t get sick.

I am really really hoping and praying they are not sick come Monday night/Tuesday morning.

I’m frustrated today.

I had a dream about moving last night. We moved into the most narrow house ever. It was a nice house, but it was narrow. Weird. Oh, and we made the drive in two days. That was sweet.

God, please don’t laugh at our plans to move.

Oh and something really great: Owen is crawling. The kid is on the move!! It’s amazing how fast they pick this stuff up. He is better today than he was yesterday. Every day he gets better and better. I love it.

I love my kids. I love watching them be creative. For Valentines I got them play doh sets. A play doh duffel bag of play doh stuff with cutters, and a pasta maker, and a roller. They each got one. And they each got a play doh tub. One tub is for picnic stuff and the other is for animals. They have played with those for HOURS. They love it. Especially Dylan. I thought I would not like them having play doh but they seem to be doing pretty well with it.

Today we are going to go through more stuff to take to the dump. I wish I could snap my fingers and have this done. I am seriosly contemplating moving into our trailer NOW and just coming to the house to do stuff for the move. That way what I get done stays done. I don’t know. That seems extreme. But it also would simplify things for me. If my sister in law (she does have a name btw, it’s Teresa haha) comes I think we’ll do that after she leaves actually. That is what we were going to do after the movers take all of our stuff anyway.

Okay, off to do something productive. I promised Sean I’d blog about the sweet potato allergy thing, so I will for sure be back this weekend with that. Check Sean out. He has a baby on the way.

Be thankful you aren’t a thought in my head….

…..because you would surely get lost.

WOW the last few days have whizzed by! I can’t even really remember what exactly has happened or gone on. Let’s see if I can try….

Wednesday I watched the girls and thought that was my last day for the week and that I’d have Thursday and Friday to do stuff for me (translation: focus on my family and the purging that has yet to have happened in any significant amount). That night my sister called at the last minute for me to watch them early the next morning, which I didn’t want to do, but agreed to anyway. Now, I LOVE and ADORE my nieces as much as my own kids, so not wanting to watch them had nothing to do with them. It had more to do with my sanity and stress level. When we found out about the move coming so fast, I decided I would not watch them anymore so I could prepare things (and myself) around here. I am REALLY feeling the pressure and stress as the time is really flying by. It makes me tear up just thinking about it. So anyway, I agreed to watch them, after a mini-argument with my sister about how I CAN’T DO IT anymore. I did say I’d do it on M and W b/c those are school days and my niece and Dylan go together, so no biggie there. But other than that, I really can’t if I want to take care of our stuff. So all day Thursday I stressed b/c my sister was going to hire some RANDOM person she picked out of the newspaper to watch them. Someone who is NOT state certified BTW. I have issues with that. I don’t trust people to watch little kids who don’t/won’t go through the neccessary hoops to make sure that they are doing it in a safe environment that is being regulated. Maybe it’s b/c of all the training I had to go through to have my own daycare on base…..but it just KILLED me to think of my neices going to some random stranger watching my neices. Now I know what some may be thinking “not your problem” and maybe it’s not. But would I be saying that if something happened to them? No, I would be saying “I should have just kept doing it b/c it was the right and loving thing to do.” So, at the end of the day, making sure my neices were safe and somewhere they would be loved was more important than winning a battle with my sister (the battle being she kept asking me to watch them after I told her I couldn’t, and I’m a pushover when it comes to them). So, I’ve caved and told her I’ll watch them until the 12th. After that, I won’t really have a house to watch them in. And if I do, I won’t want it messed up with 5 kids around b/c that will be the week my sister in law is coming to help me purge and organize. Plus, my neices are going to stay with their dad for two months at the end of this month. That makes me sad. So does moving away from them. I told my older neice (3) that we were moving to North Dakota and she got really sad and said “I want to go with you.” That broke my heart. I love her. I love them both.

Friday was my running around day. I don’t think I have taken the boys out for a full day of running errands and such in MONTHS. They did really good too for not having naps….well, until later at dinner. We had a hair appt for Dylan and Aidan at noon:30 and then we went to see Daddy at work to see if he’d had lunch yet. He had. So, we went and got some lunch and decided to take it home b/c Dylan had to potty and Owen had to eat. While were home Jake called and said to come back and get him b/c he was done for the day. So, we got together after eating and picked up Daddy, only to bring him back home and change out of his BDU’s. He said he didn’t want people staring at him in the stores! haha! What is funny to me about that is on base, no one would give him a second look if we ran errands with him dressed like that. So funny. Even off base it wouldn’t have been looked at funny.
We went to Target to check out the snowboots someone had told me they had on sale. Well it must have been a good sale b/c they were all gone. Bummer. Then we went to G.I. Joe’s, or as it is now annoyingly called, Joe’s. What’s with dropping the G.I.??? Anyway, we found boots for the boys there. CAMO boots! heehee They are SO CUTE. We had picked out a blue pair for Aidan b/c they had it in his size but they didn’t for Dylan so we found the Camo ones for Dylan. I REALLY like the boys to match (my SIL is rolling her eyes right now haha!) so I told Jake to check for Aidan’s size. They had one up from his size so we tried it on and it worked. yeah! I figure with thick wool socks that’ll make up the difference. heehee After that we tried on some snow bibs for them. The pants they had were all too big so bibs it is. And of course, they match.
After Joe’s we went to Walmart. I’m not sure why, but we ended up loading up the cart on who knows what. I really don’t remember now. ugh. I know we got Aidan a good jacket b/c he really needed a larger one. It’s camo too, but the bummer is that Jake wouldn’t let me get Dylan a camo one too! Dylan DOES have a jacket that fits, but a camo one that matches with brother would be so much cuter. I tried again tonight to get it but Jake said “NO” and I said “we’ll see about that.” hahaha! Those who know me best know I’ll be getting that jacket for Dylan before we move.
After walmart we went to eat at Black Bear Diner. Dylan has been wanting to eat there for MONTHS. I kid you not, he has specifically been asking to go there and he never forgets about it either. Jake tried ALL afternoon to get him to change his mind to Red Robin but he never did. So, Black Bear it was. And that was the first, and most likely last, time we will go there. The service was less than, Aidan was downright disobedient, and the food was….. okay. That is a bit of a funny story. I can’t eat meat with bone in it. At all. I gag, at the very least. So I ordered chicken stuffed with broccoli and cheese….sounded soooo good. It came with a side salad. Well my salad came and the BOYS devoured my salad. I didn’t mind so much since it was probably the only veggie they had willingly eaten all day. Then the waitress came back (after about 20 minutes) and said that they were OUT of stuffed chicken. WHA?! Whatever. So I said I’d have the fried chicken. I don’t know WHAT possessed me to order that, but for some reason I was thinking of a chicken breast when I said that. So when my plate FINALLY came (another 15-20 minutes) and I saw the BONE chicken…wings, thighs, legs, DRUMSTICK, I almost gagged. I tried to keep my face straight for the sake of the waitress. Jake was shooting me knowing glances and a hidden grin. As soon as she left Jake said “Well I don’t know what YOU’RE going to eat for dinner tonight” hahaha!! Seriously. Thank goodness for the coleslaw and fried squash and zucchini that came with my meal. Oh and the HONKIN’ piece of bread. I tried, really I tried to eat the chicken, but I almost threw it all up on the table after two bites. I couldn’t do it.
I also ordered a blackberry milkshake to go. I didn’t taste it until we were out in the truck. It was like I was drinking freezing cold tasteless paste with bits of tire pebbles. Seriously. No flavor. At all.
Jake wanted to go to DQ for his dessert, so while we were there I ordered myself a chicken strips basket! haha!! We stopped at his parents house and I ate my food and gave them the fried chicken (we took it with us b/c SOMEONE would eat it) and the milkshake. haha! Even my MIL thought the shake had no taste. I had a LAAAAAAME night of eating out. It’s kind of funny thinking back on it though.

Today my mom said she’d take the boys so we could work around here unbothered. Well this morning the phone rang and I didn’t get it and let the machine get it b/c we were still in bed. It was mom so I had Dylan get me the phone and I called her back. Apparently it was AFTER 9!! How in the world all five of us slept that late I don’t know, but I was happy about it!! Told her I’d bring them over later. Jake took them around 11. I had a hair appt at 2 that I completely forgot about until Kathy (our WONDERFUL hair lady) reminded me about it yesterday when I was there for the boys. So we had a bit of time to clean before I had to go. Jake was going to drop me off and go to Sportmans Warehouse. After he dropped me off I called and said “come back and get me” b/c Kathy decided we could wait another month on my color. haha!! So we visited instead and she held Owen a while.

I went with Jake to SW and we both tried on snowboots. I got a REALLY cute suede pair. That was actually all they had for women…suede. But mine are really cute and don’t even look like snowboots. They are temperature rated for -40* so I think I’ll be okay. haha! We got some more winter weather accessories and headed out. We went back to walmart b/c we forgot stuff yesterday. I got a bunch of space bags for clothes and linens and we got a lot of household cleaners so we can really get to work on our move out checklist around here. We really want our full refund back. $$$$$ After all that we grabbed some dinner and picked up the boys and came home and we ate. Now we’re just sitting around hanging out. Actually, me and the boys are hanging out. Jake is cleaning the bathrooms. hahaha!! Ahhh, this is the life.

This last week I have spent a considerable amount of time online researching homeschooling. It really just sort of fell into my lap. I was browsing blogs and following links and happened upon this website. I really delved into it and have been totally captivated by it and the women that contribute to it. That has led me to other homeschooling blogs that I have really enjoyed. One blog is about UNSCHOOLING and it has really made me think about a lot as a mother. Her main blog is really good too.

All of the stuff I have been reading has been very inspiring and has led to blogs of amazing women. I feel very blessed to have “stumbled” upon these sites. I almost wonder if God is tapping my shoulder again? I’ve talked to Jake about some of it, just so he knows where my heart is wandering on this issue. I had thought a few years back that I would want to homeschool, and then I decided I didn’t think I could be that disciplined and just kind of let it go. Now after reading all of this stuff I see that there are many different options for homeschooling. It doesn’t seem that daunting actually. And after reading the unschooling blog, I see that I am already teaching them. I just didn’t realize it. That kind of inspires me to take it to the next level.
I think I am going to give homeschooling a lot of thought in the next year. I will research it a lot and try to even incorporate some of it into our lives and see how it goes before I really commit to it for Dylans first “official” year. It IS something I really WANT to do, I just don’t know if I am CAPABLE of doing it. I have a lot of reasons for wanting to do it too, one of which is b/c with our lifestyle, they would be changing schools every couple of years.

Another thing that I noticed was how much these women really trusted in God and tried to be good wives and mothers. It was a daily act for them to focus on what kind of wife and mother they were being. I think about being a mom everyday, but sometimes I’m not focused on how I can be better, I’m just focused on getting through the day. And I really don’t focus on how to be a good wife. I just sort of wing it there. And to be honest, there is a lot of OLD resentments tied up there that I still have from years ago, and a few that are current that need to be addressed. But even still, I need to put more effort into being the wife GOD wants me to be, even if I am still holding onto past resentments. I am really thankful I found these blogs b/c they have been a great witness to me this last week, and I think will continue to be.

I have been watching the boys lately and really getting emotional when I see them playing together or when I think about moving them away from the ONLY home they have ever known, and grandparents, and cousins, and aunts and uncles, and taking Dylan away from school. He loves his teacher and going to school. I am also scared to be a mom away from my own mom and grandma. They have been there every step of the way and been a real help to me, and almost like second parents when it comes to the boys. Mostly b/c Jake worked so much I really depended on them for help and for company. It gets lonely being home all day when he would work such loooooong hours. I am nervous for that happening in Minot before I have a support system, which could be awhile. In the meantime I am thankful for the internet.

Jake and I have had a lot going on between the two of us as well. It’s been very stressful and trying lately with all the details of this move and things at work are threatening to hinder our move date a bit. It’s complicated so I won’t go into it here. Mostly just paperwork stuff, but stressful none the less. I don’t think he and I have done a very good job of remaining as one through this and it’s starting to show. We really need to get on board with eachother and work as a team if we are going to come out of this stronger together. I think we’ve both just let the stress and shock of it all get to us in a bad way. Moving with an entire family really IS stressful, especially while dealing with our everyday stresses as well. Before when we moved Dylan was just one month old so it really wasn’t that bad, and we didn’t have NEAR as much stuff as we have now. More crap = more stress.

Sorry I have nothing funny or even substantial in this blog. It’s more of a brain dump tonight. I’ve really been feeling the nervous butterflies lately and not in a good way. The countdown is on and soon it will be March and we’ll be on our way to North Dakota!!

It’s Raining It’s Pouring The Children Are Snoring….

All the kids are napping and Jake and I are sitting here on the couch listening to the water through the gutters and watching the extremely heavy snow fall. These flakes, er chunks, of snow are HUGE. It isn’t sticking though, which is fine with me. We’ll have our fair share of stuck on snow in about another month. That’s right, another month. We have a little over 30 days before we begin our trek to North Dakota. So far I have only cleaned out the toys. In fact, here is an excerpt from an email I sent to my VERY organized friend. She said she was CLAPPING as she read it she was so excited for me. She knows I have not a single organizing bone in my body.

“Today I did AWESOME (if I do say so myself) with the toys. I set up bins for organizing/sorting and then I set up two mesh laundry baskets and I told Dylan that one was for toys to keep and one was for toys to give to other little boys who didn’t have as many toys. I said we would take them to the Goodwill store. Later tonight he said “Who is Mr. Goodwill and why does he want to take my toys?” hahahaha! I thought I would die. ANyway, he FILLED the mesh basket for donations! YEAH!!That was close to half of their toys! I was so proud of him! He picked everything to go in there too and every time he said “I think I will give this to other little boys” We organized the toys we were keeping and got everything put away and the entire room vacuumed up, even moved furniture! We rearranged their room (not that it really matters b/c we don’t have much longer here but he enjoyed it) and got everything set up all neat. I even have an entire garbage bag full of stuff to trash. It was broken toys, paper cups (they get their own water from the fridge when they want and I don’t always know), broken crayons, paper airplanes that had seen better days. All that kind of stuff. A WHOLE BAG! OMGosh!! I hope we can keep it that way. Now we need to go through their clothes. I think I will let them do the same thing with those too….. pick which ones they want to keep and which ones the wany to donate. That seemed to work well and Dylan really enjoyed doing it. I say “Dylan” b/c Aidan really didn’t get what we were doing. I had to direct him a lot.”

So that was my big cleaning/organizing/purging event of the week. Lame I know, but for an unorganized girl like me, it’s a big deal.
My sister in law is coming to help me purge/organize in the middle of February…just in time for the movers. I am SO EXCITED. She was totally born with the organizing gene (I am convinced there is such a thing) and she has graciously agreed to drive from Portland down here to help me. Have I mentioned that I love her? haha!
My mom has offered to help me, but she works and has little spare time. Plus, the combo of the two of us would result in very little purging I think.
My sister has also offered to help, but I need someone to boss me around and with me and my sister I think we’d both just end up staring at a large pile.
So, my sister in law it is. Teresa, THANK YOU! If I haven’t said it enough, THANK YOU!

Tonight Jake and I are MAYBE going on a date. Maybe. It all depends on what we can do on ZILCH. haha! I’m thinking just to hang out period would be nice but we’ll see. My mom is taking the older kiddos to the new Veggie Tales movie so we’ll be home with just Owen for a while, then she’s taking all of them so he and I can have some time together. Need to take advantage of that as much as we can before we move, b/c who knows when that will happen again. I’m a little nervous about that aspect of things when we move to Minot. Really, can we make it with no babysitter so we can go out ALONE once in a while? Or are we going to have to improvise and do the date thing AT HOME after the kids go to bed? I’m sure we’ll figure out something….it’s just uncharted waters right now.

OH! News….. I can’t believe I forgot this before. Jake talked to the housing department at Minot and they said we qualify to be on the four bedroom housing list and it’s a 0-30 day wait! YEAH! I’m very happy about that. My hope is that once we get to the base we will have a house to move into asap. Not sure if that is realistic of me at this point, but that guy sure gave me reason to hope!

What I said about the snow not sticking, I take that back. It’s sticking. A lot.

EXTRA! EXTRA! Read all about it!

This was the top news story in the Minot Daily Newspaper. I’m just sayin…..

New pea unveiled at growers convention

A plant pathologist at the University of Montana is currently researching a pea hybrid with slow glucose release when eaten, but at the same time will stand and yield like standard field peas.

Lanita DID warn me that I could be forced to listen to the farm report in the mornings instead of music! hahaha!

Defeated…..at least it feels like it.

I’ve been a bit down in the dumps the last few days. A bit mopey, a little sappy, kinda grumpy, VERY TIRED. A few of my nearest and dearest think it’s because I’ve got a lot on my plate right now with the move and all, and that even though I’ve not really DONE anything the last several days, my mind has been racing and that can be tiring. Maybe. Maybe they are right.

I couldn’t put my finger on why I had this “defeated” feeling. I am happy that we are moving, finally. I am happy with where we are going. I think this is going to be a good move for our little family. But I am feeling a little anxiety about it. About the transition. About not being around family. About settling down. I have been sitting around STARING at my house, watching the boys destroy it piece by piece. They are lucky I’ve mustered up the energy to feed and clothe them, nevermind cleaning the place up. I think they know I am weak and they have power over me right now. haha. I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling this way. I should be happy. I should be bouncing off the walls. I should be grateful and thankful for everything that’s happening in our life right now. But I just can’t shake this feeling. Or the wondering why I feel like it. Until tonight. When I went to bed.

A few weeks ago I had decided to try to go along with the “FLYlady” method of housekeeping. I am so unorganized and get distracted so easily (evil evil computer) and I would rather spend the day playing with the boys or staring at Owen while he tries to master crawling. I had printed out the schedules and routines. I had been researching it online. I had even shined my kitchen sink. That is the first thing you are supposed to do. I read through my print outs at night before bed trying to commit it to memory and practice it the next day. I felt like I was making progress. Until this last thursday, when I knew our lives were changing….pronto. And that is when the “funk” settled in, and I couldn’t figure out why. I still can’t explain why I am so gosh awful tired these last few days, but tonight as I laid down to bed, I figured out why I have been in a mopey mood. I saw those papers laying on my night stand and instantly my heart sank. I knew that what I was feeling defeated. I had stopped doing what I set out to do to accomplish my goals. It wasn’t setting right with me and it was affecting my days. I just didn’t put the two together. Now that I know, I need to fix it. I hate responsibility.

Another bummer, to say the least….. my mom told me tonight that my grandma might have lung cancer. WONDERfreakingFULL. Last week they thought maybe her cancer had spread to her bones. They ran tests, nope, no bone cancer. Her lymphoma checked out to be okay, nothing bad there. BUt oh wait, there’s a hot spot on her lung that “lit up like a christmas tree” that they want to biopsy. All signs point to NOT GOOD. So as I am laying in bed tonight realizing I have felt defeated these last few days, I started also thinking about my grandma. Maybe b/c I had just filled Jake in on it, but still, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Then I started crying. I was laying there crying thinking about how fast people go with lung cancer. Thinking about everyone I knew who had lung cancer and how quickly they died after getting lung cancer. I started getting sick at my stomach thinking about how we aren’t going to be here and if she has lung cancer how much time does she have left and will I be able to come home “when and if.” My mind was like a runaway train. I coudn’t stop it. I hate when that happens.

THEN, yes it gets better, THEN I start thinking about how I have been treating my family and my home. Like nothing. I have sat around and sulked b/c I can’t DO what I want to DO…which is develope a lifestyle routine around here I can live with and still have time to spend with the kids w/o worrying about what mess they are making. I tend to be a black and white person, and that along with my perfectionism (yes, messy people can be perfectionists…. it’s a long story….really it is….there’s a whole book about it) doesn’t bode well for me. I don’t like distractions, I can’t focus well with distractions. ANYTHING can be a distraction for me too. The tv, the phone, the radio, THE COMPUTER, the kids, Jake, anything. I need complete silence and NO ONE around me for me to focus on what I want done. Does this mean I have ADHD?? haha. Seriously? Does it? Anyway, that doesn’t bode well for me b/c I am a SAHM who should be able to cope with these things. I really should. It’s kind of my job, and I think I would be fired by now in the real world. What was the point of me telling this part??? Oh yes……. now that I have finally settled on a method to control my madness, it all gets tossed. Yes it is what we were hoping/praying/waiting for, but the timing, THE TIMING….God you are a funny funny man I tell ya. It all gets tossed, thrown out the window, and instead of being able to focus on the routine I had layed out before me, I now have to do the opposite….ransack my house to get rid of stuff, focus on the details of moving, prepare prepare prepare….and I don’t feel like I can right now. It is overwhelming. And that makes me feel guilty.

I know I should be so grateful and on my hands and knees thanking God for taking care of this moving situation, but I find myself feeling slightly annoyed at the timing. The timing just SUCKS. I think I feel that way mostly b/c I am TERRIFIED of driving 1500 miles in the winter, and I am TERRIFIED about my grandma….oh yeah….and my mom. She’s kind of got her own CRAP going on as well that I am worried about. Divorces never turn out well and to be honest, I am worried about her and scared for her. ANd I want to be here for her, but I won’t be. That breaks my heart. I don’t want to just be a voice on the phone for her, I want to be a shoulder, a hug, a smile for her. Between my grandma and the divorce, I know she is hurting right now. And scared.
Anyway, back to the timing….. I know it is not my timing….it is God’s timing. I KNOW THAT. I KNOW THAT. I KNOW THAT. I know that with everything in me but I also fight against it. What IS IT about us that makes us fight God even when we know He is right?? HUH? I wish someone would tell me…..b/c I hate it.
I need to trust God. I need to trust His timing. I need to trust that He will take care of my grandma. I need to trust that He will be the shoulder, the voice, the smile for my mom. I need to trust that He will get us to Minot and take care of us and provide for us while we are there. I do trust Him, I just don’t trust me. Does that even make sense?? I don’t know….all I know is, I think I have “broken.” Kind of like when a fever “breaks” it’s all better from there on out. The fever has broken, you start to feel better. You peak with sickness and a high fever and then BAM, it breaks and you are on the road to a better you. I hope that is what happened tonight as I was laying in bed crying with all of these thoughts and worries and feelings running through my head. Those aren’t ALL of what has been bothering me, but they are the biggies. I think the next thing would be worrying about the boys and the move…..but that’ll come later.

If you are reading this, please pray for me. Please pray for my grandma and my mom.

For some reason I am reminded of a poem this friend I had in high school wrote.
“I need a peace Lord help me now,
I need to let go, I don’t know how.
Carry my pain, see me through,
Let it bring me closer to you.”

AMEN. Now back to bed.

Minot North Dakota. Like it or not, here we go!

So a bit of news. Just a bit.
My stomach is cramping as I type this out. Not that I regret choosing Minot, just that I am nervous about the transition and…..the drive. Seriously.

Okay, let me back up. Thursday Jake called his commander and said:
J: so, how’s it looking with my orders? Does it look like I’ll be getting them next month or not?
C: let me call you back.
(calls back)
C: you can have your pick between ABQ New Mexico, or Minot North Dakota. Call your wife. Make a decision. Call me back. BTW, you only have a few minutes.

GREAT!!!! Seriously? A few minutes to make a life altering decision???? And whatever happened to just GETTING your orders? You don’t get to pick! That’s crazy! Nothing about this was the norm by any means. It was throwing us off big time! I said to Jake “why don’t they just PICK a place and send us?” and he said “Do you really want them to pick?” Well no, I guess I didn’t.

After much thought and consideration (as much as a few minutes would allow) we chose Minot. I know, I know…. pretty much EVERYONE thinks that was a bad choice, but believe me, we have GOOD reasons for choosing Minot. In the long run, it will be the best choice for our family. Jake and I are in total agreement on this. Now the part I DON’T like….we are moving in 44 days. 44 DAYS!!!! We will be driving through the northernmost states in the dead of winter….with all three kids….and me and my anxiety…….. and paranoia. That is truly the only part of this whole thing that has me worried/bothered. I am a little stressed though about all the purging and organizing we will have to do before the movers come. That part makes me stomach turn and my heart race.I am NOT GOOD at organizing efficiently. I get overwhelmed with it. I shut down. That is what I did yesterday and the day before. COmpletely shut down and didn’t do a THING. Not even the normal things I should have been doing for the sake of a picked up house. I just had too much clutter in my mind to focus. This makes me nervous for the next few weeks.

So anyway, that is what is going on around here. Praise the Lord the grandparents are a godsend today. My mom has offered to take the boys today for a few hours so we can focus on stuff here (b/c seriously, we have to start NOW) and Jake’s mom has offered to take Dylan overnight for the first time ever! This should be exciting for him. I hope he does well, as he’s never spent more than a couple of hours over there by himself, and that was before Aidan was born….so it’s been a while.

Off to pack up the turds, as we so lovingly call them, and drop them with my mom for a few hours. Think anyone’ll notice if I go shopping instead? I think I need some retail therapy!!
hahaha!

Actually, if anyone knows a good organizer and purger, send ‘em my way!

OH and if you’re wondering WHY we chose Minot, I’ll save that for another post.

Sooooo Angryyyyy

12:08 AM – Soooooooo Angryyyyyyyyyy Current mood: disappointed
Jake just called. He had a conference call this morning. We thought it would be good news. It’s not.
We aren’t moving anytime soon. Since February they have been telling us we are moving. At first it was July, then it was Septemeber, then it was December, then it was back to October, then it was “any day now,” and now today they tell us if we’re LUCKY we’ll get orders MAYBE in November and then not move until sometime between February and April….if we’re lucky. I’m thinking we’re not.
I am so angry right now. I want to scream and puke and cry and pull my hair out all at the same time. My gut reaction was “WHY GOD would you do this? We have prayed and prayed about moving and asking you to move where it would be best for us and then you go and keep us here. WHY?!” and then I realized that maybe He is keeping us here for a reason, a reason I can’t possibly understand or imagine right now. I know I shouldn’t be angry, but I am. I know I should trust God that this is right for us right now, and while I do, I just don’t understand it. God knows how hard this has been for us, how hard it’s been on our marriage, and yet here we stay. Please God let me see the bigger picture here and be okay with this.
“I know it is right in the sight of my God but my heart is dying to differ”
I wrote that in a poem FOREVER ago, in highschool sometime. I never thougt it would apply now.
This has to be okay. I have to get a grip and realize we are not leaving anytime soon and just move on. I feel like I need a mourning period or something.