Headlines from 2029

This was posted by my new blogging friend Deb, who also happens to go to the same church as us, and we’ve met IRL! “Met” her through Tammy’s blog. She came up with these headlines that I thought were pretty hilarious….so much so that I asked her if I could repost them on my blog. Obviously she said yes.
ENJOY! haha!!!

Headlines from 2029

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern Unites States Crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally!!!! Scientists stumped!

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage…

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking……

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to 17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, 75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 pounds.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for the third consecutive year in Florexico.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut…. LOL (sorry, thought it was funny…..)

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative….

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030…..

Just thought I’d share……

Dylan and Aidan are playing with the cardboard tubing from a paper towel role and Dylan held it up to his eye and said “ARRR Matey!” and I said “buddy you crack me up!” and that reminded me of something…..
A few weeks ago he kept saying to us “You crack! You crack me!” and that was all. We couldn’t figure out why he was saying that until one day I said “You crack me up!” and then I realized….. “YOU CRACK” is his “you crack me up” hahaha! So funny the way their little brains work.
Oh my gosh, right now they are playing “baseball” with the tubing and a squishy ball and Dylan is telling Aidan “throw it on the bat! ON THE BAT! You gotta throw it ON the bat!” hahahaha! Oh my gosh. I said “no bud, I think you are supposed to hit it with the bat” heehee
Okay that’s all. I need to do this more often b/c I have a feeling once we get to Minot, the grandparents might start reading the blog to catch up on the kiddos.

TODDLERISMS

Okay I am really bad at remembering what the boys say, and they say some pretty hilarious stuff. So, I’m taking a few minutes to think of a few….prompted by what Dylan just now said. LOL
He brought over a banana to me and said “Mommy, is this banana right?” I said “You mean RIPE?” and he said “yeah ripe. Is this banana right?” hahaha!
One night we had lasagna for dinner here about two weeks ago. He kept calling it “desagna” I don’t know why he just did. He can say his L’s pretty okay most of the time now, but for some reason lasagna starts with a “D” to him. He said “Hey MOMMY! Desagna starts with DOG!!” hahaha!
“Hey Mommy! (everything starts with HEY MOMMY) Fourty starts with FOUR!”
“Hey Mommy! Twenty starts with twenty!” Oh man that one made me roll. LOL
Or this one was HILARIOUS. “W starts with walrus!” hahahaha!!!
In school that is how they learn letters. Words that start with a certain letter they focus on for that day. So he is always saying that other words start with other words. So funny.
Like “Hey mommy! Aidan starts with Apple!”
“Dog starts with Dylan!”
Aidan likes to talk about monsters a lot. He likes to SHOOT monsters a lot. He comes up to me and WHISPERS that there are monsters and he is going to shoot them. Have you ever heard a two year old whisper? It is the funniest thing ever. It makes me laugh so hard! I love it.
One thing that DOESN’T make me laugh so hard…..when he is mad he says “shut your mouth!” Okay I MUST CLARIFY HERE: He did NOT learn that from us. 100% did not. Couldn’t have. When Jake and I went to Lincoln City back in November the boys were shuffled around between my mom, grandma, and my sister….and when we came back, that was the first thing we heard him say. WONDERFUL. We are working on that. BUT, Jake and I secretly giggle at it sometimes. Bad I know.
Aidan is also the lover. He loves to hug and say “I wuv you mommy” I love how he says love. WUV.
He loves Owen too. He gets really close to his face and whispers “hey baby hey baby hey baby it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay shhh shhh shhh” heehee Then he pats his head, kisses his cheek and said “I wuv you baby Oweeeeen”
Ahhhhh, I love to hear my kids talk….SOMETIMES.

Death to Stuart Little!!

We have a mouse. A mouse in our house. In our house we have a mouse.
Apparently I’ve been reading too much of Mother Goose Rhymes. The rhyming is rubbing off.

Actually we have had a mouse for a while, it lived IN the walls up in the corner of the living room. It’s little scrapings sounded like a bird in the gutter. So, for a long time I thought it was a bird in the gutter. One night I said to Jake “listen, there’s a bird in the gutter!” and Jake said “NO, that’s a mouse in the walls.” How nice that he has known this for some time and didn’t see the need to mention it. The next night, I noticed some blue plastic pieces coming out of a cabinet onto the stove. We open the cabinet door. There sits my BLUE bag of coconut shavings from the truffles I made at Christmas. Jake takes it out of the cabinet. HUGE hole in the bottom!!!! He takes out my bag of brown sugar…..Hole in the bottom. My bag of powdered sugar….. Hole in the bottom. My bag of granulated sugar…… You guessed it…..hole in the bottom! However, my huge bag of flour sat untouched by the sugar high mouse.

Can you just imagine this mouse?! After all that sugar can you imagine what he must look like? Like a mouse on crack I am sure. I would love to see the damage he has done to the insides of my walls on that sugar high!

So, Jake sets a trap that night. He is so excited about catching this mouse. He is talking the “The Godfather” while he is setting up this trap. He is entirely too amused by this, and entirely too excited to trap a mouse. A day goes by, the mouse outsmarted Jake twice and nibbled the PB just around the edges of the trap. Another day goes by, Jake was outsmarted by Stuart Little again. Yes, I call him Stuart Little. Finally, in the wee morning hours of the next day, 2:30 am to be exact, I am up nursing Owen and I fall asleep. I wake up to this LOUD WHACK and I jump. It’s him. It’s the mouse. It’s Stuart Little. I jump up, Owen still attached (literally) to me and I walk as fast as I can down the hall. When I walk past the kitchen I can HEAR him in there flopping around in the cabinet. He isn’t dead. HE ISN’T DEAD. GROSS. The trap keeps hitting the cabinet doors and I am afraid he will fall out…..not afraid for him, afraid for ME who would have to SEE him. EW. So, I wake up Jake. Jake is NOT happy. “It’s 2:30 in the freaking morning! Are you kidding me? I don’t want to deal with this now!” He is not mad at me. He is mad at the mouse for deciding to get caught at such an ungodly hour. He checks on the mouse. He comes back to bed. He says “The mouse is not dead, it just caught him by his leg, he’s just laying there.” EW EW EW EW. I lay awake for a long time after that thinking of the mouse, afraid he will get lose and then die in the walls somewhere and stink up my house.

The next morning at breakfast the boys and I are at the table eating our yummy whole wheat pancakes and Jake decides to check on the mouse. He is now dead. I say he had a heart attack. Dylan of course wants to see the mouse. At first I thought “why not?” and then at second thought decided it would probably NOT be a good idea. He still wants to see it. Jake thinks it will be okay. So, I give in. I don’t DARE look. I will pass out, I know it. Just the knowledge that there is a mouse behind me is almost too much to deal with. I watch Dylan instead. His eyes get H.U.G.E. HUGE! All he says is “ooooooooooh.” It was hilarious! I laugh to do the impression b/c it is so funny. The look on his face was priceless. I think he regretted looking.

YEAH! We got our culprit. End of story. Right?

WRONG.

Last night I was laying in bed w/Dylan b/c when I was checking on them he said “mommy will you lay down with me for a few minutes?” How do you say no to that? While I was laying there, I heard……scratching. And there are no gutters on the outside of Dylans wall halfway down. ANOTHER MOUSE. Good grief.

Here we go again………